aGaiN...

19th July 2006

Have you ever have that kind of feeling when unhappy things happen again and again. When you actually determine not to let it repeat its history. But your desire had betrayed you that you did it again? It happen to me...

I guess it's part of my fault. Knowing that the whole thing will make me unhappy eventually. Still, I let myself do it. I should have leave it to him at the first place. If he wants it bad enough, he would have ask for Roger's number. But instead I am the one who ask Roger. How stupid I am? Idiot!!!!!

Not the first time, and I am determine to not to let it happen. Yet I repeat the mistake myself. Why did he hint it to me that he could spend that 3 days with me. Then later when I told him I have asked Roger, he actually think twice? I hate being to compare...but I felt I am not that important after all...And he thought I was unhappy because of fearing what Roger thinks. Why would I care how people think ? If I do, what is the reason I put myself into a condition when everyone thinks :" this girl is so DESPERATE to spend time with her bf!",again and again? First time he let me feel that I am stupid, 2nd time it's dumb and I am tired, then now I am a total fool!!!

What so good bout this guy that I have lower myself till I nearly lost myself? Why did I did it again when I was hurt, felt stupid, and cried. Perhaps God has His plan. That He didn't allow the cof to work, that I will be away at least a day to be with myself, think these all over... moaning for my stupidity...