15th October 2006
After having the conversation over the phone with Ping...I wonder how we started "argue" (Ping don't argue, basically I am the one who is unhappy) about him changing his roster causing us not to meet on 16th.
Again his intention is to shorten the time we will be apart. However I see it that he is risking our confirm off day to a unknown off day in the future, which mean we might or might not have the common off day. It kind of upset me...
Somehow we talked about how he thinks and why he react the way he is. He said, when it comes to changing his roster, money is the main priority. I felt....I don't how I feel when he said that. It sort of give me a waken call: "Hello~~Where have you put your priority to?" I wanted to tell him so much that, while u are busy focusing on what you want, you might lose what you already have...
I guess I sort of shifted my priority to the wrong place all this while. It is no point being there alone, when u being taken for granted of...Or should I say I weighed myself far too important. I guess is time to READJUST, REFOCUS, REMEMBER my priority. Maybe Ping is right.
Things won't be easy for the next few days. I just need to be positive and face the problem myself. Give me strength and wisdom, my Lord!
Thought of Fwuji when I was having the conversation with ping...I can't help but think. If I were who I am today, what happen to me and Fwuji would be diff. Same thing happen but i come up with diff approach.I guess it's all about timing and fate.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
相信
除去面纱
我在哭泣
心里酸酸地
胸口闷闷地
感觉快乐不曾来过
我其实没你想象的坚强
如果可以
希望能够有个人依靠
如果可以
我也不想逞强
好想撒娇
感觉周围随时都会崩塌
除了现在
什么都不真实
可是有你
总觉得大雨过后
我在哭泣
心里酸酸地
胸口闷闷地
感觉快乐不曾来过
我其实没你想象的坚强
如果可以
希望能够有个人依靠
如果可以
我也不想逞强
好想撒娇
感觉周围随时都会崩塌
除了现在
什么都不真实
可是有你
总觉得大雨过后
一定就会出现彩虹
至少我还是那么相信着
我愿意相信
你所说的那个未来
我愿意期待
有你有我的那个白色小屋
我愿意原谅
你偶尔地不细心
但请不要让我太难过
好吗
Monday, October 09, 2006
CoVeriNg oWn Ass...
08th Oct 2006
So sad...first time I felt so discouraged by things happen in my job.
I know somehow is affected me...I just can't understand why someone so reputable could say something so irresponsible...just becoz he wanna cover his own ass...
Did I mistaken him? Should I clarify with him? I guess I should, when I see him next time. After all, it's something I need to face it. And I hate it when it's hanging there...
So sad...first time I felt so discouraged by things happen in my job.
I know somehow is affected me...I just can't understand why someone so reputable could say something so irresponsible...just becoz he wanna cover his own ass...
Did I mistaken him? Should I clarify with him? I guess I should, when I see him next time. After all, it's something I need to face it. And I hate it when it's hanging there...
Settled...
09th Oct 06
Finally I sort of settled my problem...
What happen was, my landlord decided to increase the rental and in this case Jess and I will have to pay 475 bucks per person. It's as good as getting my own house. Ha!
But now that we've talk to my landlord and had decided to rent the whole place instead of just the two rooms which mean we only need to find someone else to cut the rental.That sort of solved the problem for now.
Well, thanks to this incident, I realiase how much in total I am paying each year just for my rental. It hasn't hit me hard when Jenny told me that she spent almost a good 60 thousand for her rental for her all these years in Sg. But now that I am calculating myself, wow...I could have buy another house in M'sia.
Somehow, it pop up Ping's mind : Why don't we just buy a place? Here, "we" means he n I. Hehe...Although he is talking in a practical point of view. Yet I wish he could pop this question in a more romantic way...never mind...
Anyway, after calculating money that we need to buy a house, the idea sort of blow off. Though he said his mum could help...I wonder how.But I guess it best waited till we are both fully ready (financially), or else it will be really tight and I don't like that. Two years. I told myself.
Finally I sort of settled my problem...
What happen was, my landlord decided to increase the rental and in this case Jess and I will have to pay 475 bucks per person. It's as good as getting my own house. Ha!
But now that we've talk to my landlord and had decided to rent the whole place instead of just the two rooms which mean we only need to find someone else to cut the rental.That sort of solved the problem for now.
Well, thanks to this incident, I realiase how much in total I am paying each year just for my rental. It hasn't hit me hard when Jenny told me that she spent almost a good 60 thousand for her rental for her all these years in Sg. But now that I am calculating myself, wow...I could have buy another house in M'sia.
Somehow, it pop up Ping's mind : Why don't we just buy a place? Here, "we" means he n I. Hehe...Although he is talking in a practical point of view. Yet I wish he could pop this question in a more romantic way...never mind...
Anyway, after calculating money that we need to buy a house, the idea sort of blow off. Though he said his mum could help...I wonder how.But I guess it best waited till we are both fully ready (financially), or else it will be really tight and I don't like that. Two years. I told myself.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
My Holidays III
24th Sept - 03rd Oct 2006
Taken by him, my favourite pic...
"I was force to....."
we don't know him but he wanna take pic....weird...
Hiking when I am sick...pale
My Holidays II
24th Sept-03rd Oct 2006
Giant with the small tree house...
I want a bigger house....
Stuck back your tougue!!!
The Washington Lake....
Sometimes my camera still take nice pic...
My Holidays...
24th Sept- 03rd Oct 2006
The aircraft that I am taking to LA
Flight that I am taking
View from the aircraft
Landing to LA soon...
Ping's mother and I on UA's flight to Portland
Mount St. Helens's Cold Lake
The volcanic Mt. St.Helens
Ping's sister, mother & I
My dear looks good in this pic...
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Stay In Charge...
03 Oct 2006
Back from Los Angeles, after almost 24 hours of none stop flying,catching flights...I am finally back in my own sweet home. The past 24 hours hasn't been a pleasant one as I rush to catch my flights from LA to S'pore due to the delayed of domestic flight from S.Frisco to LA. Never in my life, I felt so....rush...
Anyway, this wasn't really the worst part. Have you ever push a trolley which carry 3 luggages (each weighed about 70 pounds) , running amost 1.5 km to catch a flight? Worst is I am pushing it up the escalator(My mistake of under estimating the heaviness of the luggages)...What happen? Well, the small( but it's not the lightest) luggage on top of the two big luggages roll over me and i am kinda stuck on the escalator. Can you imagine when the escalator is still moving while you are stuck with 3 luggages and you are force to move along? Result: I am obviously still surviving...or else who is writting here? Just 2 patches of big blue black on my arm and leg...
It wasn't that bad actually.At least we manage to catch our flight. But I sort of fall in to the bad mood mode that i just keep quiet. Maybe is just feeling tired, maybe is I still don't feel well...(fall sick two days ago while I was still in portland).
But it sort of trigle me when Ping just left me and went to find another seat which he then explain it's to let me have 3 seats by myself so that I could sleep. He also claimed that he had told me before he left to go and "chop" the seat. Well, here's another good example of MISCOMMUNICATION:things that you said if didn't being heard defeat the purpose of saying it. Serious, I didn't hear him saying anything...
So from LA to Tokyo and Tokyo to S'pore, I have 3 seats by myself. At first, I was quite upset. How can he just left me there? I am so tired after the rush, now he just leave me alone? However this " angry" mood deosn't stay long. It gone after I went to the toilet.
You guys ust be curious what happen in the toilet right? Well, I sort of look into the mirror and asked: " who is this ugly girl who look so angry?" Then I smile at myself and I realiase she is me.
I don't like when I look so upset. My happiness shouldn't have depend on others. I should be the one who incharge of my own happiness. So when I came back from the toilet, I am in a total different mood. The later part of the flight became a much enjoyable one...
Back from Los Angeles, after almost 24 hours of none stop flying,catching flights...I am finally back in my own sweet home. The past 24 hours hasn't been a pleasant one as I rush to catch my flights from LA to S'pore due to the delayed of domestic flight from S.Frisco to LA. Never in my life, I felt so....rush...
Anyway, this wasn't really the worst part. Have you ever push a trolley which carry 3 luggages (each weighed about 70 pounds) , running amost 1.5 km to catch a flight? Worst is I am pushing it up the escalator(My mistake of under estimating the heaviness of the luggages)...What happen? Well, the small( but it's not the lightest) luggage on top of the two big luggages roll over me and i am kinda stuck on the escalator. Can you imagine when the escalator is still moving while you are stuck with 3 luggages and you are force to move along? Result: I am obviously still surviving...or else who is writting here? Just 2 patches of big blue black on my arm and leg...
It wasn't that bad actually.At least we manage to catch our flight. But I sort of fall in to the bad mood mode that i just keep quiet. Maybe is just feeling tired, maybe is I still don't feel well...(fall sick two days ago while I was still in portland).
But it sort of trigle me when Ping just left me and went to find another seat which he then explain it's to let me have 3 seats by myself so that I could sleep. He also claimed that he had told me before he left to go and "chop" the seat. Well, here's another good example of MISCOMMUNICATION:things that you said if didn't being heard defeat the purpose of saying it. Serious, I didn't hear him saying anything...
So from LA to Tokyo and Tokyo to S'pore, I have 3 seats by myself. At first, I was quite upset. How can he just left me there? I am so tired after the rush, now he just leave me alone? However this " angry" mood deosn't stay long. It gone after I went to the toilet.
You guys ust be curious what happen in the toilet right? Well, I sort of look into the mirror and asked: " who is this ugly girl who look so angry?" Then I smile at myself and I realiase she is me.
I don't like when I look so upset. My happiness shouldn't have depend on others. I should be the one who incharge of my own happiness. So when I came back from the toilet, I am in a total different mood. The later part of the flight became a much enjoyable one...
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Long day....
19th Sept 2006
God...Schedule has been really tight these days. Has been sleeping less than 4 hour each and every day. Work, study and holiday during my birthday. I need a good rest....
Yesterday was a totally worn off day for me. Came back from work in the morning and without showering. (I know is unhygenic, but when you are tired and worn off, sleep is the up most important thing in your mind). So, I crash to the bed and caught a solid 3 hours nap. Although not long after I fall asleep, Ping's mother called me to ask if i had already gone down to the office to change my flight ticket. I was filled with guilt that I should go down as soon as possible, yet knowing that today will be a long day for me, I need to sleep now! 11am, got waken by the sms that Ping's mother sent me. I rushed to the toilet and take a quick shower and rushed out,hopefully I can get my ticket done before the lunch time. So, within half an hour, I am in the office already.
I managed to change my ticket, and to my surprise it only took me 10 minutes to do so. Efficient!!!Then with some time to spare, I had a quick lunch in the staff canteen. Had my favourite popiah and honey grapefruit juice. And proceed to town.
I was so tired and in the 1/2 hour mrt journey, I actually fallen asleep. Not very usual for me, as I dislike to sleep in the public. Then I went for my facial appointment for 3 hours. Fall asleep in between again. After my facial, I met Jess for dinner and happen that she actually meeting Kevin. So, 3 of us end up having dinner at cafe cartel.
Kevin is a nice guy and 3 of us have a great time togather. Suppose to go for my class after the meal, but Jess wanted me to join them for movie. Filled with tireness and what I want is only to sleep. Almost tempted to go movie with them coz i think i can sleep in the cinema. But I guess I have the guilt of not attending classes thinking that I will miss the next two weeks lectures, I better go. So in less then half n hour to spare. I rushed to class on time.
Although the last half n hour I can't really catch what he is talking about (too sleepy). But at least it's not a waste trip. Then as I was heading home, I met Xing down stair my house. He is waiting for Jess to message him as he've got something to pass to her. Jess promise to message him when she is back home. Knowing that Jess is already at home, I urge him to go up. But he refuse and ask me to pass the thing to her. Sensing that something is wrong, I told Xing Jess wanted to eat ( She called me ealier on) . Without hesistation, Xing offer to buy her supper. Because he is not familiar with the place, I offer to direct him. So we drove to Bedok North to take away chicken wings and dessert.
While we were waiting for the chicken wings to be ready, Jess message me and xing. Jess told Xing that she is not at home yet. And she told me Kevin is at home. Of coz what she don't know is, Xing is with me. So,fearing that Xing will find out, I ask Jess to ask Kevin to leave. My message sound fierce and scare Kevin off a little. He must be wondering how can a person be so nice in a second n the next moment she is so fierce. But then I don't care. What I fear more is,Xing will get hurt coz I knew he is a nice guy.
Anyway, when we were home. Kevin is already gone and Jess finally understand why I reacted that way in the message. Feeling touch and guilt, she told me she was crying talking to Xing over the phone yesterday.
Well, I sort of scolded her cause I felt she is making people feel hopeful yet don't want to commit. I said she is not ready in any serious relationship although she wants it very much.She is just still not ready for one yet...
God...Schedule has been really tight these days. Has been sleeping less than 4 hour each and every day. Work, study and holiday during my birthday. I need a good rest....
Yesterday was a totally worn off day for me. Came back from work in the morning and without showering. (I know is unhygenic, but when you are tired and worn off, sleep is the up most important thing in your mind). So, I crash to the bed and caught a solid 3 hours nap. Although not long after I fall asleep, Ping's mother called me to ask if i had already gone down to the office to change my flight ticket. I was filled with guilt that I should go down as soon as possible, yet knowing that today will be a long day for me, I need to sleep now! 11am, got waken by the sms that Ping's mother sent me. I rushed to the toilet and take a quick shower and rushed out,hopefully I can get my ticket done before the lunch time. So, within half an hour, I am in the office already.
I managed to change my ticket, and to my surprise it only took me 10 minutes to do so. Efficient!!!Then with some time to spare, I had a quick lunch in the staff canteen. Had my favourite popiah and honey grapefruit juice. And proceed to town.
I was so tired and in the 1/2 hour mrt journey, I actually fallen asleep. Not very usual for me, as I dislike to sleep in the public. Then I went for my facial appointment for 3 hours. Fall asleep in between again. After my facial, I met Jess for dinner and happen that she actually meeting Kevin. So, 3 of us end up having dinner at cafe cartel.
Kevin is a nice guy and 3 of us have a great time togather. Suppose to go for my class after the meal, but Jess wanted me to join them for movie. Filled with tireness and what I want is only to sleep. Almost tempted to go movie with them coz i think i can sleep in the cinema. But I guess I have the guilt of not attending classes thinking that I will miss the next two weeks lectures, I better go. So in less then half n hour to spare. I rushed to class on time.
Although the last half n hour I can't really catch what he is talking about (too sleepy). But at least it's not a waste trip. Then as I was heading home, I met Xing down stair my house. He is waiting for Jess to message him as he've got something to pass to her. Jess promise to message him when she is back home. Knowing that Jess is already at home, I urge him to go up. But he refuse and ask me to pass the thing to her. Sensing that something is wrong, I told Xing Jess wanted to eat ( She called me ealier on) . Without hesistation, Xing offer to buy her supper. Because he is not familiar with the place, I offer to direct him. So we drove to Bedok North to take away chicken wings and dessert.
While we were waiting for the chicken wings to be ready, Jess message me and xing. Jess told Xing that she is not at home yet. And she told me Kevin is at home. Of coz what she don't know is, Xing is with me. So,fearing that Xing will find out, I ask Jess to ask Kevin to leave. My message sound fierce and scare Kevin off a little. He must be wondering how can a person be so nice in a second n the next moment she is so fierce. But then I don't care. What I fear more is,Xing will get hurt coz I knew he is a nice guy.
Anyway, when we were home. Kevin is already gone and Jess finally understand why I reacted that way in the message. Feeling touch and guilt, she told me she was crying talking to Xing over the phone yesterday.
Well, I sort of scolded her cause I felt she is making people feel hopeful yet don't want to commit. I said she is not ready in any serious relationship although she wants it very much.She is just still not ready for one yet...
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
The One...
13 Sept 2006
So we came to the serious talk...
As Ping dad leaving soon to US, he asked Ping to get marry if he is ready. Something that always cross a parent 's mind when your son seem to have a stable relationship. And Ping standard answer as always:" Another two years." haha...
I guess, two year is a good timing as we are financially and mentally prepare. By then I should have finish my study, five years in my job mean sense of steadiness in life and of cause, the long waited 15k!!!
I guess I have change my mind about getting marry at 28-30. That was a target I set for myself far before I started my 1st relationship,those yound days... But now I felt if you are into this relationship so seriously, anytime is possible. And we are so in love with each other.Each and everyday the feeling just grow...I never thought this was possible.
Someone will think I am crazy, as I am only 22(soon). What make you think he is the ONE? I guess no one can answer that. No one in any age could answer this question. WHO IS THE ONE? We crack our head finding answer, refusing to commit as we fear there is a better one out there. But the truth is, we don't know. At this moment, he is the one.
I dreamt of this dream that it is the day I get marry and I was on the street in my wedding gown where my husband-to-be is busy sweeping the street. Weird huh? The funniest thing is that he is not Ping but a HK actor that we always see on TV. Lim Bao Yi, anyone know who is he? The guy who named Henry in the drama series Healing Hands. Funny...When I told Ping, he was laugh non-stop as usual...Then he said to me, I hope I can be your road sweeper. Isn't that the sweetest thing you could hear from a man? When there are dozen of man outside, fearing to commit and here there is this guy that looking forward to make you his wife and the mistress of his white dream house ( well, this is another story...) I guess life couldn't be any better....
So we came to the serious talk...
As Ping dad leaving soon to US, he asked Ping to get marry if he is ready. Something that always cross a parent 's mind when your son seem to have a stable relationship. And Ping standard answer as always:" Another two years." haha...
I guess, two year is a good timing as we are financially and mentally prepare. By then I should have finish my study, five years in my job mean sense of steadiness in life and of cause, the long waited 15k!!!
I guess I have change my mind about getting marry at 28-30. That was a target I set for myself far before I started my 1st relationship,those yound days... But now I felt if you are into this relationship so seriously, anytime is possible. And we are so in love with each other.Each and everyday the feeling just grow...I never thought this was possible.
Someone will think I am crazy, as I am only 22(soon)
I dreamt of this dream that it is the day I get marry and I was on the street in my wedding gown where my husband-to-be is busy sweeping the street. Weird huh? The funniest thing is that he is not Ping but a HK actor that we always see on TV. Lim Bao Yi, anyone know who is he? The guy who named Henry in the drama series Healing Hands. Funny...When I told Ping, he was laugh non-stop as usual...Then he said to me, I hope I can be your road sweeper. Isn't that the sweetest thing you could hear from a man? When there are dozen of man outside, fearing to commit and here there is this guy that looking forward to make you his wife and the mistress of his white dream house ( well, this is another story...) I guess life couldn't be any better....
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Kazoku mitai...
27th August 2006
After work, Ping's father came to pick me up. Was so tired after 12 hours of work, all I wanted is someone to welcome me home... And uncle did...with that kind of warm smile that I can only find in my family.
As he was driving me home, as we were talking, suddenly (I wonder how actually) he asked did Ping ever tell me about why he wanna pursue his study to US.
*Yes, he said it's your dream*
*That's not the full answer...*
*.......*
*Has Ping ever mention to you my medical condition?*
*Ya...*
*Actually I had my artery 50% blocked....If I don't take care of myself,I will end up like my father.He was paralysed and my mother has to take care of him for 15 years. It's a emotional journey. If I had a stroke and I will be a burden to my wife and Ping. The only way to save my life is keep on working. I can't stop. That's the reason I choose to study at this point of time. If I stay in S'pore, the most I can work is for another few years. I rather keep on moving until I get heart attack and die right away...*
I am speechless...total speechless. I never thought uncle has thought so much. And what he thinks is all for the best benefit of everyone.
*people might said that : you are so selfish! But they don't know the actual reason why I am doing this. So, I just keep quiet and grip on...*
*Have you told Ping about this before?*
*I did talk to him about it. But maybe he didn't think I am serious...or he thought that I was joking.*
I am sure Ping doesn't think that way. I am sure Ping know what you meant. I am sure...I didn't say out...
*As far as I know, Ping has been very supportive to you.*
*I know they are very supportive. But maybe they haven't feel it yet. That's why I would like to ask you for a favour,you and Ping to spend more time with my wife when I am away.*
* I know. Me and Ping was talking about it too...*
* In fact I actually propose to Ping for you to stay at my place, the other room. It's good for you too, since our place is nearer to SIM where you studying.*
*Yupe, I understand. In term of location, it's true. But I got many more to consider, like my housemate. And actually my mother doesn't agree with me staying at your place either coz she felt that is not right...*
*coz you and Ping are not marry yet.*
* Sort of...but I guess I will stay over at your place more often now, for example after my class...Bishan Chalet...*
Uncle smiled.
Such conversation show something. Uncle does treat me like a family. The fact that he felt Ping is really serious about our relationship put him to open up to me. I am gladful, that he is willing to share....
After work, Ping's father came to pick me up. Was so tired after 12 hours of work, all I wanted is someone to welcome me home... And uncle did...with that kind of warm smile that I can only find in my family.
As he was driving me home, as we were talking, suddenly (I wonder how actually) he asked did Ping ever tell me about why he wanna pursue his study to US.
*Yes, he said it's your dream*
*That's not the full answer...*
*.......*
*Has Ping ever mention to you my medical condition?*
*Ya...*
*Actually I had my artery 50% blocked....If I don't take care of myself,I will end up like my father.He was paralysed and my mother has to take care of him for 15 years. It's a emotional journey. If I had a stroke and I will be a burden to my wife and Ping. The only way to save my life is keep on working. I can't stop. That's the reason I choose to study at this point of time. If I stay in S'pore, the most I can work is for another few years. I rather keep on moving until I get heart attack and die right away...*
I am speechless...total speechless. I never thought uncle has thought so much. And what he thinks is all for the best benefit of everyone.
*people might said that : you are so selfish! But they don't know the actual reason why I am doing this. So, I just keep quiet and grip on...*
*Have you told Ping about this before?*
*I did talk to him about it. But maybe he didn't think I am serious...or he thought that I was joking.*
I am sure Ping doesn't think that way. I am sure Ping know what you meant. I am sure...I didn't say out...
*As far as I know, Ping has been very supportive to you.*
*I know they are very supportive. But maybe they haven't feel it yet. That's why I would like to ask you for a favour,you and Ping to spend more time with my wife when I am away.*
* I know. Me and Ping was talking about it too...*
* In fact I actually propose to Ping for you to stay at my place, the other room. It's good for you too, since our place is nearer to SIM where you studying.*
*Yupe, I understand. In term of location, it's true. But I got many more to consider, like my housemate. And actually my mother doesn't agree with me staying at your place either coz she felt that is not right...*
*coz you and Ping are not marry yet.*
* Sort of...but I guess I will stay over at your place more often now, for example after my class...Bishan Chalet...*
Uncle smiled.
Such conversation show something. Uncle does treat me like a family. The fact that he felt Ping is really serious about our relationship put him to open up to me. I am gladful, that he is willing to share....
Friday, August 11, 2006
I am must be a genius!
11th August 2006
Once in a while you just need to be a little "thick skin", a little bit " over-confident"...hehehe...That's how I felt after attempting this "Vegetarian Cha Bee Hoon"!!! I must say there is some "talent" in me...hahaha! Gam-Ba-de-Ne!
Monday, August 07, 2006
The Time Traveller's Wife
07 August 2006
Was reading "The Time Traveller's Wife" on my way from KLIA to the city. Has been telling people this is a good book but don't seem to be able to describe it. It's about this guy who has the ability to travel to the past and future. In another word, he is a time traveller. However he can't choose when or where to travel to. He has total no control in this ability and whenever he time-travel, he can't bring anything with him. This is a very odd situation and most of the time cause him in danger eventually caused his death. Sad story...Not a smart choice to read in public especially you can't held your tears....
Was reading "The Time Traveller's Wife" on my way from KLIA to the city. Has been telling people this is a good book but don't seem to be able to describe it. It's about this guy who has the ability to travel to the past and future. In another word, he is a time traveller. However he can't choose when or where to travel to. He has total no control in this ability and whenever he time-travel, he can't bring anything with him. This is a very odd situation and most of the time cause him in danger eventually caused his death. Sad story...Not a smart choice to read in public especially you can't held your tears....
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
iT's NoT tHe diStAncE iSSuE....
02 August 2006
Ok..time for confession. About what I said about yesterday, about doing a little experiment on Ping. What I have decided to do is, not messaging Ping and see how long it takes for him to remember of me and text me. I sort of realiase that he doesn't initiate messaging me. Most of the time he "REPLY" my message. So I really wonder how long would it take for my dear to "remember" me? Hahah...what a funny way to say it. Result: I gave up! Just a few hour after I wrote the post. He message me and ask me if I take any bird nest and he bought something for my mum. Well, perhaps who is "remember" was my mum.hahah...Anyway, he is such a sweet guy... And all I can say is that distance might not be the big issue here. The biggest issue is the fact that I couldn't see him, hear him and hold him....that's hurt.
I never know that I could be so "cheesy"? Well, regarding myself a total independent woman. I can eat by myself in the public, go shopping myself, do almost everything by myself. Yet, the feeling of not having Ping by myself just isn't what I like to feel.
There's this chinese song by Jiang Mei Qi ( a taiwanese singer). It's call " Dear, why aren't you here with me?".
Ok..time for confession. About what I said about yesterday, about doing a little experiment on Ping. What I have decided to do is, not messaging Ping and see how long it takes for him to remember of me and text me. I sort of realiase that he doesn't initiate messaging me. Most of the time he "REPLY" my message. So I really wonder how long would it take for my dear to "remember" me? Hahah...what a funny way to say it. Result: I gave up! Just a few hour after I wrote the post. He message me and ask me if I take any bird nest and he bought something for my mum. Well, perhaps who is "remember" was my mum.hahah...Anyway, he is such a sweet guy... And all I can say is that distance might not be the big issue here. The biggest issue is the fact that I couldn't see him, hear him and hold him....that's hurt.
I never know that I could be so "cheesy"? Well, regarding myself a total independent woman. I can eat by myself in the public, go shopping myself, do almost everything by myself. Yet, the feeling of not having Ping by myself just isn't what I like to feel.
There's this chinese song by Jiang Mei Qi ( a taiwanese singer). It's call " Dear, why aren't you here with me?".
Dear, why aren't you here with me?
How much time do we have that we could waste?
No matter how sweet is the calling
How comforting is the faxing
It's just can't compare having you by my side
I guess it's just part of life. You need to get use to being apart from your love one...Learning that being alone doesn't mean that no one is there...
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
DoEs DiStAnCe MaKes LoVe FoNder?
1st Aug 2006
I felt like I am away for so long... In fact it has only been 3 days. Ha! Some how I think Ping is adapting better than I am, despite he is the one who keep saying 19 days is unbearable. I guess I am the one who is going nuts.
Long distance relationship never work for me. And although I and Ping is not like we are staying apart or something. But I guess it's also consider some sort of "long distance" relationship. It just won't do it for me!!!
Is either he have so much "faith" on me. Or he is just simply thinks that everything goes his way. Sometime I wish I have his "believe"...So, I shall do a little experience here...on Ping, see what's the outcome. Till then....=P
I felt like I am away for so long... In fact it has only been 3 days. Ha! Some how I think Ping is adapting better than I am, despite he is the one who keep saying 19 days is unbearable. I guess I am the one who is going nuts.
Long distance relationship never work for me. And although I and Ping is not like we are staying apart or something. But I guess it's also consider some sort of "long distance" relationship. It just won't do it for me!!!
Is either he have so much "faith" on me. Or he is just simply thinks that everything goes his way. Sometime I wish I have his "believe"...So, I shall do a little experience here...on Ping, see what's the outcome. Till then....=P
Friday, July 28, 2006
aNoNyMoUs...
28th July 2006
Suddenly my post seem to be notice by someone...someone anonymous that leave a comment at my recent posts. It's kinda funny...perhaps it's my respone to her/his first comment :
Suddenly my post seem to be notice by someone...someone anonymous that leave a comment at my recent posts. It's kinda funny...perhaps it's my respone to her/his first comment :
"Thanks...leaving such a comment at my moodiest post has indeed lighten up my day!"
So, almost each and my recent posts has similar comment that compliment my blogs and ask me to keep it up! Ha!
It seem unreal, as I sometime wonder does these people exist. Maybe I always have this feeling that I am writing to myself. That no one actually know about this blogs...But it always felt good that someone admire what you write...what you think...
Ping is not here again. This time we won't be around each other for 19 days. It's getting unbearable that we are not seeing each other. As there are cases where our friends breaking up, we seem to hold on to each other tighter. When Ping told me about Luke, I can feel he was as if telling me how appreciative is he towards me... =)
Have you ever had this guy, where you are so "yourself" with him. And you could imagine growing old with him. Ping is such guy...even before we were togather, I thought...He is the one...It sometimes scare me a little that I have such thoughts because I always thought " life is unpredictable..."
It really does scare me...
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
2nd Culinary Day
26th July 2006
I am sitting in front of my laptop, waiting for my dear to come. This is a unplanned culinary day.Hehe...I just can't wait to see his delighted face.
So what did I have for my dear this time?
STARTER
JIUN'S STYLE
DOESN'T REALLY SEEM LIKE DEEP FRIED TOFU
(WITH PING'S FAVOURITE THAI SWEET CHILI =p)
SOUP OF THE DAY
SIMPLY JIUN'S ABC SOUP
MAIN COURSE
A LITTLE BURNED AGAIN SWEET STIR FRIED PORK
"SIMPLY" STIR FRIED CABBAGE
DESSERT
JIUN'S SPECIALLY PICKED ORANGES
(IT GOTTO BE SWEET)
DRINK
HEALTHY H2O
It's not something I have planned long ago so I didn't cook as much as the first time I did. In fact all the recipe except the soup was decide when I was doing marketing for the ingredients. Haha...I kinda admire my creativity. Or was it my "simplicity"? =P
Anyway, still waiting for my dear...been an hour now...what's taking him so long? Sigh....
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
aGaiN...
19th July 2006
Have you ever have that kind of feeling when unhappy things happen again and again. When you actually determine not to let it repeat its history. But your desire had betrayed you that you did it again? It happen to me...
I guess it's part of my fault. Knowing that the whole thing will make me unhappy eventually. Still, I let myself do it. I should have leave it to him at the first place. If he wants it bad enough, he would have ask for Roger's number. But instead I am the one who ask Roger. How stupid I am? Idiot!!!!!
Not the first time, and I am determine to not to let it happen. Yet I repeat the mistake myself. Why did he hint it to me that he could spend that 3 days with me. Then later when I told him I have asked Roger, he actually think twice? I hate being to compare...but I felt I am not that important after all...And he thought I was unhappy because of fearing what Roger thinks. Why would I care how people think ? If I do, what is the reason I put myself into a condition when everyone thinks :" this girl is so DESPERATE to spend time with her bf!",again and again? First time he let me feel that I am stupid, 2nd time it's dumb and I am tired, then now I am a total fool!!!
What so good bout this guy that I have lower myself till I nearly lost myself? Why did I did it again when I was hurt, felt stupid, and cried. Perhaps God has His plan. That He didn't allow the cof to work, that I will be away at least a day to be with myself, think these all over... moaning for my stupidity...
Have you ever have that kind of feeling when unhappy things happen again and again. When you actually determine not to let it repeat its history. But your desire had betrayed you that you did it again? It happen to me...
I guess it's part of my fault. Knowing that the whole thing will make me unhappy eventually. Still, I let myself do it. I should have leave it to him at the first place. If he wants it bad enough, he would have ask for Roger's number. But instead I am the one who ask Roger. How stupid I am? Idiot!!!!!
Not the first time, and I am determine to not to let it happen. Yet I repeat the mistake myself. Why did he hint it to me that he could spend that 3 days with me. Then later when I told him I have asked Roger, he actually think twice? I hate being to compare...but I felt I am not that important after all...And he thought I was unhappy because of fearing what Roger thinks. Why would I care how people think ? If I do, what is the reason I put myself into a condition when everyone thinks :" this girl is so DESPERATE to spend time with her bf!",again and again? First time he let me feel that I am stupid, 2nd time it's dumb and I am tired, then now I am a total fool!!!
What so good bout this guy that I have lower myself till I nearly lost myself? Why did I did it again when I was hurt, felt stupid, and cried. Perhaps God has His plan. That He didn't allow the cof to work, that I will be away at least a day to be with myself, think these all over... moaning for my stupidity...
Friday, July 07, 2006
Emotionally Detox
07 July 06
I realiase I've been easily moved these days. I wonder why. For the past 3 days, I've cried twice. First time was because of the hong kong drama series...silly. Second time was because of the Oprah Show I watched. Well...I always regard myself as someone not easily cry. Crying sort of meant defeated to me. Ever since that time I cried so badly in front of Ping, I just get teary easily these days. So, the new defination of crying is " DETOX". I think it's sort of emotionally detox. Sometimes your emotionally bear too much that you need someway to release the pain in you. Anyway, it felt good after that.=)
Missing my dear very much...though I have a very busy schedule these 3 days and have accomplished alot, yet it just felt something missing. Can't help but think it would be much better if he is around. Somehow I wonder, why am still so in love with him? haha...silly...but I really am thinking about tat...When I try to fine a reason, I can only jump to the conclusion: Because it's Ping. =)
I realiase I've been easily moved these days. I wonder why. For the past 3 days, I've cried twice. First time was because of the hong kong drama series...silly. Second time was because of the Oprah Show I watched. Well...I always regard myself as someone not easily cry. Crying sort of meant defeated to me. Ever since that time I cried so badly in front of Ping, I just get teary easily these days. So, the new defination of crying is " DETOX". I think it's sort of emotionally detox. Sometimes your emotionally bear too much that you need someway to release the pain in you. Anyway, it felt good after that.=)
Missing my dear very much...though I have a very busy schedule these 3 days and have accomplished alot, yet it just felt something missing. Can't help but think it would be much better if he is around. Somehow I wonder, why am still so in love with him? haha...silly...but I really am thinking about tat...When I try to fine a reason, I can only jump to the conclusion: Because it's Ping. =)
Saturday, July 01, 2006
JoGGing fEveR....
01 July 2006
Woke up in the morning, have this muscle pain all over...haha...I knew I shouldn't have gone jogging in consecutive 2 days. Anyway, it felt great!!! I consider myself not bad as I am not a regular runner and always thought I do not have much stamina. Then again, maybe the occasional aikido session do help as I was surprise I could jog without stopping.
The first day, for a start I do not want to over tired myself so I started up with a quick walking around the field. It's not a very big field though...Then I start running. At first I thought of just doing one or two round as a starting. Then I realiase I could finish that two round without stopping and feeling uneasy. So, I continue running. In the end I jog 5 round around the field in total. GREAT!!!
2nd day, figure that my body doesn't feel any pain so I decided to go for a jog. This time I also did a 5 round jog with 2 round of quick walking.One at the start to warm up and one at the end as a cool down. I realiase I sweat more easily than the first day which is good!!!
Haha....at least I get myself started so hopefully I can continue. Who knows? Maybe like what Ping said, I could drop till 45kg...haha...crazy!
Woke up in the morning, have this muscle pain all over...haha...I knew I shouldn't have gone jogging in consecutive 2 days. Anyway, it felt great!!! I consider myself not bad as I am not a regular runner and always thought I do not have much stamina. Then again, maybe the occasional aikido session do help as I was surprise I could jog without stopping.
The first day, for a start I do not want to over tired myself so I started up with a quick walking around the field. It's not a very big field though...Then I start running. At first I thought of just doing one or two round as a starting. Then I realiase I could finish that two round without stopping and feeling uneasy. So, I continue running. In the end I jog 5 round around the field in total. GREAT!!!
2nd day, figure that my body doesn't feel any pain so I decided to go for a jog. This time I also did a 5 round jog with 2 round of quick walking.One at the start to warm up and one at the end as a cool down. I realiase I sweat more easily than the first day which is good!!!
Haha....at least I get myself started so hopefully I can continue. Who knows? Maybe like what Ping said, I could drop till 45kg...haha...crazy!
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