What if...

If...
Someone who wish you "Good Night" every night,
Someone who ask you to " Take Care every time you are away...
Someone who said "Welcomed Home..."every time you are back...
Someone who noticed your feeling everytime you appear...

If there's this "someone",
What do you do?

What if...
He suddenly say nothing no more...

What if...
He suddenly disappear from your life...

What if...
You've lost him forever...

What do you do?

SmiLe bIG aNd LaUgH hArD!!!

Early morning...i got a big surprise!


































It was Derrick!
Jess was the one who answer the door when the florist delivery man came. I think she got shocked.Ha!

And she said there must be something not right. What she don't know is, I was so down yesterday that when I met Derrick for dinner. First thing he asked is :"what happen to you?".

Even he could notice I am not quite myself...So, he just wanna cheer me up!

The day before (friday), as I was on my way home after my class. Was reading this book and somehow relate myself with the character and felt so sad for myself. Almost tears and don't dare to look up afraid that someone might notice.When I got home, I sms Ping : "too much!". I don't think he ever get what it means.

I know it wasn't his fault. Is his phone and the signal oversea was bad. But I have no idea becoz he didn't bother to let me know. For total 4 days I heard nothing from him and for once, I imagine he actually doesn't excist, as if it could make me feel better.

And true enough, he didn't realiase it was a problem at all. So, I make a deal with him. No sms, no phone, no email when we are oversea. At least, no expectation wouldn't bring any dissapoinment. Just like cof, no more cof, no more unhappiness. So, problem solved.

Won't be upset anymore. I should be responsible for my own happiness. Dissapointed wih myself how I handled this matter. Never mind, lesson learned.

As for Jess said about Derrick...

He knows and he don't expect anything...
He like it this way...
He is happy like this...
Is he silly?

Nah...we are the silly one....

Revolution of the month: Smile big and laugh hard!!!

两个人的寂寞。。。

有过这种感觉吗？
自己在和自己谈恋爱
拼命地拍打着空气
以为这就是声音

突然怀疑他的存在
甚至觉得一切都是梦
我想我真的是有了时差。。。待续。。。

Just smile...

Well...2nd blog of the day...the previous one was a few minutes ago.ha! Sometimes this happen when you got so much in your mind but don't know how to put in word one shot.

Got back from work today.Got a little disturbed as still wasn't comfortable working with my supervisor. Need to overcome this. Although I know he did put in effort to create a condusive environment. Just...You know, there are people you know they work with their heart, some work with experience and mind. He is the 2nd type. As a leader, he is brilliant considering all the small details that most leaders will overlook. Yet, I can't sense his sincerity...

Just a simple smile makes the different. Of coz it gotto be genuine...A genuine smile is so powerful that it melts ones heart...I just wish...he could show more genuine smile to his own surbodinates...Did I ask too much today? Call me greedy!

“永远”只是个梦。。。

Haven't been talking to Jess for a week now.

So, now what? My fault is it, of getting everyone into this situation? Well, I don't know. As much as I am concern bout her, I still can't lay down to her. Like Sumiko Tan said in her column in ST today: "I couldn't and I didn't " as she felt she doesn't deserved to the harsh word that her friend said to her. I can't be more agreed. I don't deserved cold shoulder from a friend who I regards as a "close friend".

I never have many friends though I might know alot of people.But those that regards as a friend mean a lot to me. So, I am sadden that she treat me this way as if I meant nothing in her heart. I am just a "housemate + normal friend" she happen to encounter.

我不勉强
我不强求
早知道“永远”是梦想
我还是喜欢发梦。。。

请尊重我好吗？

叫我小气！叫我自私！我受不了了！！！

原本好意替JESS折衣服，因为她病了！可是却发现我的短裙在她洗好的衣服堆里。那是一件我许久未穿的短裙。我以为是我们不小心混乱了，或是她也有一样的裙子，因为她很多这类的裙子，于是不以为意。。。

于是继续折下去。。。又发现了另一个我从未穿过的DRESS。怎么可以这样？

不是我介意她穿我的衣服。而是她根本没有问过我！而且这件衣服已经洗好了，那就表示那是好几天前的事。

我受不了！ 越来越觉得我们不能再住在一起了！ 我讨厌东西被弄乱。更讨厌的是不被尊重。原本就知道我们彼此的不同。她是夜猫子，我习惯早睡早起；她很轻眠，于是早起的我每每会小心翼翼地不愿把她吵醒。。。我只要一个基本的尊重。分担家务，用后碗筷自己洗。垃圾要定时丢。别把用了的锅子留在炉上。想象如果你不回来，家里没有人，它就会留在那儿整整三天，食物变臭。这是什么家？

够了。。我想已经够了。。。

我好幸福！！！

昨天算是蛮充实的一天吧？ 中午和Derrick看了场电影－Night In The Museum。起初对这部电影并没有什么期许，就喜剧嘛。。。然而可能也因为这样，觉得这电影实在不错，是一部轻松带点惊喜的电影。

看完电影，在等待永佳和Elice的同时，和Derrick 喝下午茶。间种谈了很多，因为太久没有见面了，一直谈着的话题可能有点重复着，因此发现他真的很在意我。我很多事他都记得。去旅行时，也总会想起我，而买了纪念品回来。想想我何德何能，竟然被那么地重视着。觉得有点惭愧，但他也明白我的心容不下第二个人了。我不敢奢望他一直对我好，象哥哥对妹妹一样。不过我一定会珍惜这份友情。。。

和永佳·Elice 吃饭谈起了Eeleen最近发生的大事。觉得她实在是个太感情用事的人。永佳说快乐不因建筑在一个男人身上。我没回应，因为我想我的部分快乐的确建筑在我周遭的人身上。但这不代表我不会对自己的快乐负责，只是当周遭的人快乐时，我也同样快乐。

就象那天买了个礼物给平恩。看着他拿着礼物的样子，我好幸福。我嚷着要拍下照片，以图为证，其实只是好想把他当时那快乐的表情永远记录下来。

11时17分，夜。

接到平恩远从伦敦拨来的电话。

“新年快乐”他说

“嗯。。。”我要哭了。
“为什么。。。”电话费很贵的。

“想和dear dear说声新年快乐。用电话卡，不会很贵。”

“你好吗？”笨蛋！其实是想说：我好想你！

“嗯，睡了一觉，好多了！”他的声音好温柔。

“。。。。”还有很多话想对你说，从那里开始呢？

“那我挂电话了。。。”怎么办？我还有很多话要说！！！

“我爱你！”他说。突然我平静了下来，不慌了。

“我也爱你！”

原来就是那么简单的三个字，包含了思念以及一切复杂情感。好简单哦。。。

Cheerios........

This is my favourite cereal- Cheerios. A typical American cereal where it's made of oat n whole grain. Although there's similar one in S'pore but nothing taste quite like this. Has finished at least 6 boxes for the past 3 months. And this is the precious last box. Thanks to the generous contribution of my dear dear...sob sob...moved....

It's my fixed course in my breakfast where I will eat it with strawberry yogurt instead of milk. The rich and creamy yogurt plus the crunchy cheerios...Oh, I wish I could have breakfast 3 meals a day.

So, what do I do after the last box is finished?Well, let's just concentrate on the present...ha!

It's ShOoTinG tImE...

sHooTing iN aCtIon...

Haha...favourite past time of couples- self shooting. I guess I am getting better in this due to... what else but vainity? But look at our hilarious expression...hehe...there are certainly more to come!!!

SisTeR oF tHe dAy...

23rd Dec 2006

So, here I am early in the morning at Selina's place. It's her wedding day and I promised to be her sister of the day...Well, no experience in being a sister so I have totally no idea what I need to do. Lucky enough there's 5 of us, so I just keep quiet and follow. ha!

So, the usual thing we do. Fix a "nice" cocktails for the bridesgroom. It's diet coke with all kinds of ingredient that you can find in a kitchen. And as caring as us, we add a raw egg giving the reason--it can boost up the bridesgroom's energy level at night...haha...evil...

Well, the first step of asking "ang pao" from Weng(he's the man of the day!!) has been a failure. Because the "smart" and cunning Weng has the key into the house.

Lesson 1: Bring your own lock next time...

However, we show the guys that we aren't so easily defeated. With two of us safe guarding the bride's room. The other 3 sisters bargaining with the brothers. When we ask them to drink the specially fixed cocktail, that's when you know who your brother really is. All "siam"!!! haha...So, the cocktail was pass from one to another and no one wanted to be the victim. And without realising that they drink it, it's a empty cup they hand it back. Well, well, if you think we are so easy to be settle, you make the biggest mistake of your life.

Lesson 2: Woman like proof, so don't tell us what you've done,show us instead.Or we'll just ignore it.

So, instead of letting them go. We fix another drink and this time is not so tasty...but simple enough. Just Asahi beer and raw egg. Haha...Well, it smell like...vomiters...Ewwww....

So, the guy left with no choice but to get one sip each. Haha...

Now, here come the bargaining part. Money!

Having 5 of us, we set a high budget--1000 bucks. Expecting some bargaining we plan to settle at 500. But this stingy Weng is not easy to fool...188,that all he have, take it or leave it. Leave it? It's your wife who we are talking about and the amount you can give it is 188? 188 devide by 5, it's only 30+ a person....Hello!

Lesson 3: Be generous, at least on your wedding days!

Seem like the bargaining doesn't work. And last solution for the guys---force in! Now you can see a few guys (don't know how many of them, definately more than the gals), pushing and pulling the girls forcing to go in to the room. God!!!! I should have jst wear my heels. At least I have something to protect myself. Instead, I got pulled, pushed, stepped and end up bruise, and bleeding. @#$%^&*()_....

Lesson 4: It's always war between guys and gals....

Finally I am tired, we are tired, and for Selina's sake, we settled at 288....Sigh...

The wedding night was a much better one. Without any of this violet scene appear.We are all peace and beautiful. To Selina and Weng, Happy Newly Wed! *muaks*

Girls in Masks....

Here's my man...

Brothers and sisters...

Join the loving couple...

It's a lovely evening with good food and lotsa laughter...A wedding that I totally enjoy myself. Too bad I have to leave early coz I am working tomorrow.

Anyway, just so glad that Ping is with me tonight...

Sometime there are moment you just wanna share with the special one...

SiMpLy vAiN....

21st Dec 2006

There's always a sense of vainity in all girls. I am not exceptional...ha! Perhaps could be very vain at times...

威胁圣诞老公公。。。

20th Dec 2006

好奇怪。。。发觉自己不只有“起床气”，也有“睡前气”。尤其没睡饱或很累的时候，我可是个蓄势待发的火山。。。还枉费自己长得一副“小鸟伊人，温柔婉悦”的模样（想去呕的话，请便！〕

就象平恩常说的，他很容易就看得出我疲倦或精神饱满的时候。碰了几次钉子，他也学会“闪”。好吧！就趁圣诞节许个“宏愿”＝P 希望每天都能睡饱饱！圣诞老公公，如果你还想我明年庆祝圣诞节的话，最好别惹我生气，让我睡饱饱！

Tired...

15th Dec 2006

One ought not to force herself when she is too tired...

A lesson learned yesterday. As I came back from work and was tired as I woke up as early as 4.30am ,and have slept for only 5 hours. It's tiring. Moreover, it's a busy day at work and I didn't even have time to have my lunch.

So, by the time I am back home. I am run out of energy. Yet, the fact that I wanted to spend more time with Ping, I force myself to showered, changed and ready to go. But I received a message from Ping that he is bringing her mum to hospital as one of her eye happen to be appearing red. So, the dinner was delayed. It was like 5.20pm at that time. So, I decided to take my time to S'pore Indoor Stadium--taking a bus.

However when I arrived at Bedok Bus Interchange. I realiased that the bus I suppose to take doesn't go to Stadium Cres. Maybe I make a mistake or the route of the bus had change. Well, it's 6.15pm. Fearing that I will be late. I took a cab instead. Just as I got onto the cab, told the taxi driver where I wanna go, Ping called. He said the doctor is not there and they have to wait another 30 minutes. He ask me to go slowly....with my last sense of humour, I thought: Should I walk there then? Anyway, I decided to just take a cab. I shall be there in half and hour and probably by then they are done. As I arrived 6.45pm ( The inniatial plan is to meet at 6pm), it was just after a rain and the air is cold. So I just stand there and wait. I messaged Ping that I've already arrived and ask him to message me when they are here. In the end, I waited 1 hour plus, counting no. of busses and taxi that have pass by. I lost count after the 8th bus and the 6th taxi passed.

It's cold out here, and I am feeling chilling and tired. Ping asked me to go into the restaurant and wait, but I refused. But don't bother to explain it's because it's already cold out here, what's more if it's inside the air-conditioned restaurant? Well, so I wait and wait and wait...

Time seem to pass slow and I have an urge to go home. Just give an excuse like : My brother forgot to bring his key, need to go back now...etc. But....well, I am so angry of myself. Why make myself standing alone outside like a pity homeless soul? Especially when one group of people passed by me, before and after their dinner, they gave me this look that make me feel like hiding somewhere until Ping's here. Say...the toilet?

I am hungry, tired and cold. Emotionally I am so weak that I can feel that I would cry anytime. I try hard not to do that, as I never like crying in the public. Finally he's here. I am actually not angry at him, but I wasn't in my mood to give him a smiley face or what. I tried not to show his mother and guests my real feeling. Wouldn't want to spoilt their night.

But I guess he can sense it. He tried to grab my hand but I hide it under my tighs claiming that I am cold. When we were walking along the bridge after dinner, I still don't want to hold his hand. It's a reaction of rejecting any body contact with him. I knew that's my weakness when I am upset or tired. I didn't want to tell him how badly I hurt myself today when I was working. How I volunteered to a position that no one would take. How my supervisor turn out to be a inappreciative cold blood animal.

Well, I guess it's just not my day. And I've learned: Never push yourself too hard, even when your desire is stronger than your mind. Most of the time, mind speaks the truth.

LoNg DiStaNce LoVe...

05 Dec 2006

Bought a interesting book last week. It's a translation of a Japanese novel called "Long Distance Love".

It's a story about a woman who met the love of her life one day before both of them apart. One remain in Tokyo and the other went to New York. Ever since then, they stay in touch through email and calls. They were deeply in love, yet far apart. Could this relationship been beutified because of its distance? For a person who doesn't believe in long distance relationship like me, i can't help but wonder...What make me puzzled is that this relationship lasted 13 years until they finally meet again. Of couse in between the author create a twist in between two main charactors that makes them apart for that long--a thrid party. The woman end up marrying someone that appear short after, and carry on her life. But deep down, she know somewhere, somehow, one part of her heart was left behind somewhere. Of course it can't be a happy marriage as the woman didn't gave in to her husband full-heartedly. So, they end divorcing. So, this woman left Tokyo, and went to New York. Somehow fate bought these two person togather again. 13 years has passed, but they found the innitial feeling that was left behind....Happy ending...i guess...ha!

Anyway, what attracts me to read this book is the title of the book. It sort of remind me and Ping. I guess we are in a kind of long distance relationship that we can't meet often and maybe as little as 3 times a month. It sometimes amazed me that I am still in the relationship and still so much in love and missing him. I guess I have learned to endure this loneliness with the excuse of my study. I am definately guilty of that. When I went to class so often despite the fact I just off work or were too tired to go. Still, I drag myself to class and learn to enjoy it. It became a priority to me to anything else.

I also learned to work hard. Changing my schedule so often that I have no time at home. It's just work and study. "pak toh"? has been a long time. Usually we just go for a meal. Too tired.

Deep down inside, I am afraid. This relationship won't last long. It's as if not much connection between two of us. I don't know if I could do anything. Change my schedule, so that we work togather, spend more time togather? I don't want to go through that kind of dissapointment anymore...

Well, no point to pour my head into this messy thoughts. I shall just concerntrate in my study and live on my life. Future is impredictable. You never know who you end up with...sigh...

Crazy...but beautifully

梦婷，Charlene & I

1st meal of the day



My photographer 小串



My make up artist, 小彩







梦婷& Charlene




17th Nov 2006

Call me insane or nuts...Could it be too much nuts that I had...haha...

Went for a makeover shooting for the first time in my life. Never expect to do it actually but since my colleague had make a reservation, so i decided to do it if they have a slot for me. So there we are, the shooting place.

I choice 3 outfits which contain of a white and black gown and a enhanced kimono. As usual, I took a long time to decide what to wear for the photo shoot. Personally I don't like the kimono at all,felt very "auntie". But Charlene and my make up artist keep convinced me that it's nice. Sigh...Love the white gown the most.Make me felt as if I am photo shooting my wedding pic=P

It's a total new experience to me. I suddenly understand how those models felt when they are in a photo shoot scene. With the heavy make up, music and interaction with the photographer... you felt you are no more yourself. And a photographer can really make you beautiful...or rather feel beautiful.

When I see the pictures, I can't believe it's me. I guess,although these pictures are deceiving...but any woman would want to believe that the beautiful one is herself... haha...Kino(my album designer) said I look like 天心 in the photos.

I can't wait to show Ping =)

CrAzY AbOuT NiPPoN

11th Nov 2o06

Japan is one of my favourite country. Simply love the food, the shopping and the walking around exploring the place.

Loving Japan started far before the "J-pop" hit Asia. I was 15 in 1999 and were in Hiroshima for a 2 months student exchange. Ever since then, I have fall in love with this country and culture. Although in that 2 months I also gain a "horrible" 10 kg due to the hospitality of my friends and foster family...hahaha...anyway....













This Osaka trip has been a rewarding one...emm...maybe not to my wallet...haha...For lunch I have a typical Japanese Katsu set meal. The miso soup and tofu was so good yet easy to prepare. Wait....what about my diet plan? emm...maybe after this !

Was in Fancl shop looking at the product. Saw this fat measuring machine and tried it out. It's a small machine where you just need to key in your particular like weight, height, age and gender.After which you just hold on to it and it will measure the fat content in your body. Mine was 21% and according to the chart, mine was normal. Again, another excuse for not dieting.

Jeanie was buying this colagen drinks that has claimed to have the effect of beutified your skin. Well, as my personal experience, I think bird's nest is the best. Moreover it's tastier.Unlike the colagen drink, you only need to drink once a week and beside beautified ur skin, adding a few pieaces of ginseng, it also has the rejunevating effect.

At night , after a long day, I settle down for KFC's tomato cabbage soup. It was so good that I almost tempted to buy another one. Sinful....Not to mention the Mister Donut that I suppose to keep it for breakfast...Sigh..

Nippon Dai Suki Desu!!!!

New Bed!!!!

07th Nov 2006

Yeah...I got a new bed. And guess what? It's Queen Size! Which mean I can roll here and there...do some stretching before bed on it...even lie wide open on the bed.

It has always been in my mind to get a new bed. Especially when Ping were to stay overnight at my place, we often end up sleepless as my original single bed is too small to occupy two people. So few days ago I went to Carefour with Ping and his mother to view some mattress. It was helding a promotion and we spent almost an hour deciding on which bed to get.

I was really tempted to buy one but the price sort of stop me. As my brother is coming, I know I will spend more money than usual and is it a wise choice to pay SGD799 for a matress? As far as I wish to have a good night sleep and I know how a good mattress can make a difference, but I have a budget to consider...Knowing my worries, Ping offer to help me pay half of the amount....how sweet! So, what else I have to worry about?

So, here's my new bed! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!

Bookshelf...

02nd Nov 2006

Was packing the spare room for my brother. He is finally coming to S'pore to work and stay with me. At first, I wasn't very keen with the idea of him staying with me as it meant I will have less freedom. Sort of too use to not having to tell anyone where I go, what time I'll be home,etc. But I guess is also good that I have someone here with me...someone who I knew all my life.

So, as I have trouble finding place to keep my files and books, I decided to "expand" my bookshelf. It wasn't easy. The last time I did it, I hurt my fingers and bleed. Now, I learn my lesson and uses a pair of glove as a layer of protection.

Here's my work...

After few hours of hard work! Result? Briliant!!!!

一个人。。。

26th Oct 2006

我在学习一个人生活
把重心放回自己身上
这几天我都过得不错
没有太想念平
甚至觉得这样的生活其实还很不错

看杂志上说
天枰座感情有第三者
处女座感情有变动
该怎么办呢
顺其自然吧

JEFF 这几天都有MSG我
同事问我是男朋友吗
猛然发现他MSG我的次数竟然比平还多
有点担心
有问题吗

算了顺其自然吧

现在的我。。。

23rd Oct 2006

我现在的生活有点象活在梦中
很完美
当然人生一定有遗憾
只是结果是满足
所以完美

昨天我发了个梦
梦见他的祝福
于是不禁想当中的意义

平凡的生活
平凡的人生
平静的爱
现在的我
很平静

希望一切幔下来
说话
头脑
人生
一切都象放慢脚步
细心品尝