giRLs NigHt oUt...

9th March 2006

Stayed at home the whole day getting my room packed. Been quite messy recently...

Later in the evening, Jess was back.So me and Jess decided to Suntec to meet Annie and JLo.

In fact I felt a little down actually. Ping was back from ShangHai at 2pm but despite him calling me and offer to coming over to meet me after knowing I am in town,he stayed at home.Same thing happened again...So I am a little sad and decided to go out. Is not very "myself" coz I never like to go out this timing."Kiasi" I called myself...

Well,so here we are in Suntec. Have decided to eat at Crystal Jade and when we went to meet Annie and JLo,they were being asked by this two very good looking model-look-like couple whether they are into modeling.Ha! And when me and Jess were introduce to them by Annie. Jess came up with this idea of telling the guy she works in MNG after he commented about our tops. haha...Didn't realiase me and Jess were wearing the same brand at all. But hey, I must say Jess is very good in convincing people about her story.So, here we are two Mango sales girls.

After politely rejecting them.We went on to have our dinner. During the meal, Ping called and he was quite surprise I wasn't at home. hehe...I guess I sort of wanna let him know that although I am on standby,we could have meet up. I wonder if he ever get the hidden message?

We decided to have a drink in Balacava after the meal. As usual, I ordered fruit punch. Not that I am so against alcohol drink but I seriously don't like alcohol drink at all. The beer taste sucks and the cocktails only reminds me of the syrup medicine we had when we are sick.

As usual Annie and Jess got alot of attention and I guess I kind of get noticed because of them too.Though I doesn't enjoy the "fame" at all...So,we spent a few hour entertaining these people.Conclusion? Meaningless...

Well,my dear finally make an effort to call me during mid-night. But then I guess I am too tired to talk...

想见你。。。

有没有告诉过你
其实我爱你
不只是喜欢那么简单
我完蛋了 我想

突然间我失去了信心
不知道自己能爱你多久
每一晚入眠
怀着满满的爱与恐惧
害怕醒来的那一刻
昨日的爱意
全然消失

会有那么一天吗
遗忘当初的一切
心里是那么地不安
是我胡思乱想
是太久没有见面的关系吗
是因为你没有联络我的缘故吗

请让我快点见到你
请让明天快点到来
只要见上你一面
心里的忐忑与不安
应该都会消失吧

总是觉得
自己付出得比较多
而你有时表现得不闻不问

是因为你没我爱你多吧
是因为你的心还没完全属于我吧

每每想到这里
心里就好难过
心想自己也不要付出了
这样大家都扯平了

可是脑是这样想
心却是唱反调的
觉得要是我俩都不在乎
这段感情大概也完蛋了吧

於是心甘情愿地
为你的行为找寻借口
安慰自己
你只是不擅表达
其实你爱我比我爱你多
因为越是说不出口的
越是刻苦铭心

但是
为什么不说
不说你爱我

希望你像我想的
只是不想把这句话
挂在嘴边
变成毫无意义的哄话
一定是这样
是这样吧

可是偶而
我是说偶而
也说一说吧
那么让人心动的哄话
偶而也让我听一听
被哄一哄
开一开心

就算是在我睡觉时
悄悄地说
我想我也会在梦里听到
而发出笑声

CoPenHaGen...[21st Jan 06' - 24th Jan 06']

The Messy Hair Shot...
Now where are you looking...

Simply love the door...
Two wide smiles...
Can see from my facial expression that I am freezing cold...
People said our smile look alike...
Oh mermaid,let me take a picture with you...

The blockhead who leave me behind...
The famous shot by my dear Mr. Blockhead...
Just love the ambience of these combination...

LoNely WeDDinG...

Waiting lonely under the tree...

smiling widely with the bright...am I?

the four gorgeous...hah!

07th Jan 2006

What a day...?It's Shidah's wedding and before attending the wedding,I did a Jakarta turn. I am suppose to be tired and skip the wedding.And yes I am tired but not till the stage where I can make it an excuse to skip my team girl's biggest day in her life.
This is my first time attending my friends/peers's wedding. Not knowing how's the custom goes,I was quite "on-time". Never knew there's a hidden rule for people to be late.There I am sitting alone there for nearly 45 minutes.How stupid...
I did ask Ping to come though not directly,but I did...that blockhead said that he needs to unpack his bag as he just came back. Great! As I quietly ang up the phone,speechless is the word, yet he never realiase it at all.

Anyway,he just came back.So I didn't force him to come either.He must be tired. After the wedding, I called Ping and told him that I am done. Instead of saying anything else,he said: "so?".For a second,I was stunned and later feel angry and speechless. Maybe is his tone of voice , choice of word maybe...Whatever it is,I am hurt.

世上最可怜的女人是等待的女人；

最可笑的是独自等待婚礼入席的女人；

最可悲的是婚礼外等待男友的女人；

今晚我作了那可怜、可笑又可悲的女人。

I actually suggested to wait for him at the mrt station near by simply because I don't feel like waiting alone outside a wedding avenue. But that blockhead said is more convinient that I wait over there.What can be more convinient when you actually driving? That stupid blockhead!!! So I waited,patiently yet feeling a little bit of sadness in me...

When Ping came,I didn't even realiase coz I am so down. I thought it was just another passing by me. Then he wave to be and I get into the car. I guess immediately he felt something is not quite right coz I wasnt the usual me. He tried to find out but I just don't feel like talking...So,throughout the journey back to my place,I remain silent.It was a kind of tense in the air. Somehow I manage to convince myself to forgive him. After all,he didnt do any of these intentionally.And plus we really rarely get to meet each other,so why waste time getting angry?

It took me a while to get rid of the anger in me. But then I forgive him,simply with a kiss,the anger is gone. haha...Woman...

wHaT mAttEr tHe mOsT...

2th Jan 2006

It's a brand new day--2nd day of 2006.Yet I still feel very much like yesterday...shitty.

Before Jess left,we had breakfast at the kopitiam near by our place. While eating,we sort of talk about Ping. And she make a comment saying that I should fly with her team so that I can see more and perhaps understand Ping better.

I can sense there is something Jess trying to tell me. So I asked. And Jess was hinting me that Ping is very close with Ashleey,one of their team girl.But before further explain,she pull away from the topic and say something else.Now what?

Somehow,she gave in an example of a guy (without mentioning who) helping a girl carrying her "mama-san" bag with nothing inside except her wallet. I know immediately she is talking about Ping and Ashleey.True enough,she is telling what she saw in their previous Amsterdam flight. Jess said she just find it weird that a guy is carrying a girl "almost empty bag" when they are not a couple.

I am not not sure if there is any intention of Jess telling me these. But from what I know about Jess, she only say it when she felt it that way.A simply blunt person she is. Sp I am pretty sure at taht point of time,she does feel it's something uncommon between Ping and Ashleey. Well, having confidence in Ping,of coz I trustefd him. Yet, Jess emphasizing how attractive Ashleey is,I must admit it has bother me a little. But if there are really something between two of them, why didnt anything happen before Ping meet me? Jess said it might be becoz Ashleey is still attached ( though not really) to her boyfriend that holding Ping back...

Later that day, I went to work. And to my surprise,I found a MMC card in my box with 20 pre-recorded songs...

If there's anything that matter,it's how he treated me. Knowing him as an extra caring person, I know I gotto deal with him treating others as good as me or even better than me. But what matter the most is the position of me in his heart.

MeRRy X'mAs...

27th December 2005

It suppose to be a just a small matter,I wonder why it became such a big deal...

Christmas eve,Ping had to fly to Paris.It is our first christmas togather,but of coz,work is still the priority.At first I was thinking of going to the airport to give him a surprise.But then I accidentally fell asleep and not until he called me when he is about to enter the gate.Sigh...then again,my dear told me that he left something in my box...

So now...it's christmas eve, and my boy friend said he left something in my box.What will you think it is all about? A christmas present of coz!!! So the whole night I have waking up quite often,keep checking on the time and can't wait till the next morning to go to airport,just to see what had he drop into my box.

I am a bit guilty of not being there yesterday night to gave him his christmas present,of coz in the same time excited to see what's in my box.

Well,i guess things in life doesnt happen the way we want it to be. I spent at least 1/2 hour in front of my box trying to open my box. The lock that I just brought wonder why just doesnt seem to be able to open. While I was doing this, I wonder why no one from the security came over to check on this "suspicious" woman since there's a CCTV just pointing at me.

Finally I got so tired and angry, I just force open the lock.To my surprise, it works! If I have knew it earlier that strength works,I wouldn't have been so gentle to it...anyway...

I can't wait to see my "christmas present". haha...it this some kind of joke or what? Where on earth a boy friend whould give his girl friend the same thing he gave to his team girl as present? A heart shape candy box. It's exactly the same as Jess and the only different is, mine had an extra sentence in the greeting card! @$#%^%^&&*...

Adding to the worse,Jess commented that "seem like in Ping's heart,I have the same status as his girl friend". So, I jokingly put the slogan on my msn. Jess even message Ping asking: "Why did you do this to her?". Now,poor Ping he is really freaking out, cracking his head wonder what have he done.

Haha...Moral of the story is, be more sensitive towards your loved one's need and NEVER give the same present as you give to your normal female friend to your girlfriend.Even you did,DON'T let her find out.

THE END.

tHe ...

13th Dec 2005

So soon...now we have our "winter" version!!! Sometimes I wonder if we taken too many pictures.But I guess that one of the favourite past time of a couples. I can't wait to go back to S'pore. Just miss him dearly...

tHe ...

3rd Dec 2005

Creation of my dear...Personally I love the first two picture. I told Ping, now I know what's our expression when we are hugging each other.
Ping said this is out "autumn" version. There are more to come...

I aM iN Love....

二零零五年十二月十一日

日子过得越来越迷糊
沉醉在爱情的幸福里
感觉很。。。快乐
如果说没担心
那是骗人的
只是我连闪过这样的念头都那么短暂

从来不知道谈恋爱的自己可以这样
那么地安心
那么地踏实
我仿佛看见和你一起老去的模样

一如既往
人们问起为何是你
我无法具体地回答
可能是你老去的样子还不错吧
我是这么想的

至今还未说过“我爱你”
大概彼此都有共识
这句话背后的承重意义
仿佛轻易破碎
於是不想随便说说而已

大概潜意识里有种很灰的想法
一直害怕与人之间的亲密关系
比起亲密带来的欢欣
我更受不了一夕之间变成陌生人的冷淡
於是只是对人保持着距离感
但对你
我有了想不顾一切地念头

GiVe yOurSeLf A cHaNcE...

23rd September 2005

I've decided to go back KL on 24th.Reason?I guess I just wanna let myself into another possibility?Sort of giving me and him a chance...

Midnight,got his message.Some how it just feels good that someone is taking note of the time you are back.For 1st time,he ask me out.Just two of us...

Our first date,I am late because of my mani and pedicure appoitment. Felt so sorry to let him wait.But being very patient and understanding,he impress me with his gentle smile when I see him without any sense of irritation...PLUS POINT!!!

We had crepe at Raffles Place.During the dinner,we just keep talking...or rather I keep talking...hahaha...it's amazing coz usually I play the listener part.And what surprise me most is how comfortable I am with him,just two of us,that I told him all the unhappy things that happen ,totally unafraid of how he see me...

After dinner,we proceed to watch a movie.Because there's still some time before the show starts, we decided to take a walk at the fountain,watching the fountain performance.Somehow,he took out a camera.Why on earth he bring a camera along?Anyway, thanks to him,we had our first photo togather... Then he pass me something...my birthday present.Delighted,I can't wait to see what it is.

He gave me a disc...well...interesting...

After movie and sending me home.I just can't wait to see what inside the disc. To my surprise I hear David Tao's song and it's one of my favourite.And then,I see photo shots and captions about how he feel.God...I am flattered...The efforts that he put in and the troubles that he gone through to do all these..It's not simply just to woo a girl...He is serious.Dead serious.

That's why when he ask me to be his girl friend."Yes" is my answer...

I wOnDer WhY...

31st August 2005

I have been keep looking at my watch...taking note of time in S'pore.Reason?God knows...I think I do have some new thought over Ping...but what exactly it is...I don't know.

Well,that day when I came back from Narita,Jess pick me up from airport with a daisy...very much like what she would do...that crazy girl!I am happy,for once someone actually pick me up from airport.It felts good.Not that we are lesbian or what...it just felt good when you come back from work and somebody is waiting for you...

This isn't the end of the day.After returning home, Jess and I proceed to town to have our dinner.It's not a usual thing that we do after work.Most of the time I would just wanna stay at home,but today it's special.

Ping came and join us.Of course it's Jess who ask him to. This is my 2nd time seeing him.A guy with spec,white round collar-long sleeve top and jeans. The young outfit make him look like a big boy. Jess said this is the first time she saw him in white. I can't help but peep another few times...haha...Well,what to do? I like guy in white.

wHaT ArE yOu tHinKing...?

Was chatting over sms n msn with Jess, she is back in JB. Misses her accompany! So, what did we talks about?Hmm...then I shall start my story from Wednesday onward.
That day we met and have lunch togather, then with no intention to shops or walk ard, we decided to go to starbucks to jst sit down and crap! Nothing much that we say but most of it is bout relationship. (again...)
Jess is currently in the stage of...how should i put it? Well, what happen is she feel something for Mr.Do which she herself dont know why. She see nothing from him that qualified the ideal one she wanted. But now simply her heart wanted to be him so much. I cant answer her question as I m miserable myself. Now and then this guy keep popping on my mind. I wonder if I am feeling smthing for him, or simply curiosity? I dunno...The situation is kinda complicated(at least i feel so), as I felt I am just trying to know him better.I will long for his msg but he always take long time to reply. Well, if he feel something for u as well, i guess the immediate action he do, is to reply rite? Then again, he might just treat me like a sis...Now what? I am sister to everyone!!!haha...
Anyway, Jess and I came up with this idea that we must find a bf before our birthday. As my birthday come first, she actually said I have no much time left.Why? as if i am dying soon...#$^&%&^*&(
So, is crazy, but when you lost your mind, you will do silly things. So, I msg adam with this he later claim to be "provocative" msg:"are you available to be a part-time bf?" . Ya,is silly,is stupid,is simply idiotic,i know! Regret for sending (it's just so not me!) , and and no respone fr adam until the next day afternoon. Well, he said he was sick and this provocative msg doesnt help to cure his sickness at all...what an answer? Anyway, i told him to forget bout it, but deep inside me, i was like : "shit!!!!"
But hey, he did send me msg smthing like this before: (wait let me think, is quite some time bck) ...anyway, is sounded like : I am sitting alone in a empty bus, and as I look out the window, at an overcast sky, i keep thinking of u, and Icant help but wonder why..." this is not exactly what he wrote, it sounded better actually,forgive my poor short memory. But hey, when a guy msg u, of coz u will think..."god,what should I reply?" as I was still cracking my head to think of a way to reply. He sms me again aft a few minutes. "hey, do i have the cut to be a poet, i thought of this poem when i am in the bus." Now...this is irritating!!! He then msg another msg describing what he see outside the window.So, my turn...I replied: and what u can long more if there's a special one beside,sharing this amazing moment wf ya, how i wish it's me..."Immediately i sent another msg to clarify :" so,am i a poet or what?" haha...but he answer in a way that impressed me : Wow, our similarity...is kind of uncanny."
*speechless*
Whatever...U win lor!!!!

NoT FuLLy ShUttINg uP...

4th August 2005,10:30 p.m.

So, here i am creating a new blog. Well, I jst love to write. So cant help but keep on writting. But here, I let God do his part. If my "uncles n aunties" know me well enough that they knew I cant live without writing,they should be able to find this. haha...then again, I don't think they are that free or smart. Well...again, here goes my new blog, with some of my old blogs attached, I can again shout out loud. YEAH~~~

So, what about today? Me,Eeleen n Jess went to view a place in tampines. With various reasons, we plan to move out togather. For Jess, she is not really comfortable staying with her landlord n landlady. As for me, my landlady jst give birth of another baby, is getting packed at home. More over, her mother-in-law now stays wf us. Well, for Eeleen, nothing wrong with her current place, but staying with two "extra-ordinary "(in another word, 2 weirdo-es) girl friends must be super fun for her. Anyway, the place we view turn out not so ideal as one of the room is designated for kids. Too bad! Well, we have the time. So, no rush!

Attended the aikodo class after 3 weeks of lapses. Well, not that i m lazy but it's my roster always clashes with the classes. Should I start going for the public class? As my progress is so slow, I wonder if I am able to catch up. Then again, if anyone else can do it, why not me? Well, well, well, let me think bout it...

FaLLinG iN LoVe OnE mOrE tImE...

31st July 2005

Went to Cafe Cartel with Jess today...lazing around,taking our own sweet time to have our lunch...This is our favourite place to laze...not that the food is fantastic or what.Simply because here,we can sit as long as we want,take as much time as we want to have a meal and NO ONE will come and interupt!

Lately, has been the topic between me and Jess.My last relationship was almost 1 1/2 years ago. And it scares me...Not that I met a nasty guy and had a bad relationship. Is just that I know that relationship involve alot of commitment and most of all, you must be comfortable being with him.Most importantly,you need to see yourself growing old with him,and accept him totally. Same vs.

When Jess told me how her teamboy thinks about me and say "can try to know me better".Does this meant that he is interested on me? Or just simply being nice.Well, deep down inseide I hope to know him better,trying to open myself to the possibility to get into another relationship.Yet,the fear is there...I guess I just need a little more courage and being irrational a little to stuck my head into it.No...that's not what I want. Frankly,I think I am not an easy girl to please.

Blogs. Typhoon.

16th July 2005;3:52p.m.;S'pore Changi Airport

getting a lot of feed back regarding my blogs...start to get a little feary bout the power of blogs.Well, i m no author of a book or what.I don't wanna be responsible for what you feel or think after reading my blogs.Jess described my blog as "dramatic" where I just simply record what happen in my daily life that touches inner sentimental part of me.Should I be more careful of what I write or say?Then I will become what derrick described as hiding behind the wall...
Oh ya,what am I doing in the airport at such a time?well, am going to taipei for holidays with my mum,aunt and cousin as i mentioned ealier in my chinese blogs.(too bad for those who cant read chinese:P) Just as I was getting excited of my taipei trip, thanks to derrick, you stupid idiot,telling me bout the typhoon.Well, i know you must be thinking: "hey, i m not the one who caused the typhoon!!" i know...haha...

Anyway, am still on my way to taipei whether there are typhoon or not. Hopefully it's a small typhoon that chase away the humidity.I am always lucky,wonder if this time round is still the same.

P/S:till i come back fr taipei, ling er, i will personally write u a blogs, telling ppl what we did during our silly childhood.Btw,HE IS CUTE!!!!:P

TO ALICIA TAN HUEY CHAI...

This is suppose to be a individual msg to my "beloved" and to be "hated" cousin sister who stay far away from me right now...lucky you or I'll strangle you till death!!!Looking at the title(is in capital letter) and the words (is bloody red),can u imagine how deeply I "love" you,dear HUEY ER?

Just called home and realiase what you have done to me...OH MY GOD!!! How can you tell my mum I'm blogging?And what's more you show her my blogs? Isn't it suppose to be a common understanding that to not to tell to the "elders" about the blogs? Of coz as a blogger, I don't mind anyone reading my blogs or else why blogs?But then again...anyone doesn't include my MUM and AUNTIES and UNCLES...who else have you tell anyway? @%$%^%^&^&*

Well, thanks to you, I finally confirm something bout my mum. SHE IS STRANGE!!! Being a mother, she have always have funny and unusual logic about life. Of coz I m not gonna share this is here, as it's unsafe now! :P But anyone who wanna know about it, feel free to msg me.Ha! Well, just one thing I can tell you, after reading my blogs and stuff in friendster, her only comment is :"Why did you put me n your dad's photo on friendster, that one is ugly,we have other nicer one!!!!" MUM~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well,well...Ms. Alicia Tan Huey Chai, you won't get away from this for long. I will be bck during August! Let's meet up, catch up some old time...and u know...get things settled. Till then, I'll leave you in peace for now...

Correction: Is Alicia Tan Huey Tsair. My "sincere" appology to my pig head cousin!!!!

NaMes...

很喜欢帮别人翻译名字。当然我的华语还没好到能够翻译得很好。於是奇奇怪怪的名字就出现了。例如：JESSLYN-洁士琳，有点像清洁剂的牌子。每当我这样说时，她都会很生气。JENNIFER-洁妮花，很乡土可是很有亲切感。JORDAN-佐顿，还不赖吧？

或许有人会因为我胡乱帮他们译名而生气。然而我却觉得这有点好笑之余，也为彼此留下印象。大概是前男友留给我的习惯吧？他喜欢把COFFEE BEAN叫作咖啡豆。每当我经过“咖啡豆”时，我就会想起他。。。

P/S： DERRICK 刚刚看了我的BLOGS(就是上面这些他所谓的“CRAP”)，於是我好玩地帮他译名。结果，DERRICK-德力克。他说听起来像HORLLICK。

Oh, ChINeSe...dRiViNg mE nUtS!!!

Seem like my experimental blogs is a sucessful one(well at least i thought so...) haha...I should do it more often then. Is funny, I speak chinese at home since young and have always like chinese very much. But somehow or rather, I can express myself better in english...weird! Jess often told me that I speak chinese in a very funny accent. And Jennifer wouldnt speak chinese with me though she do that with Jess. She said it is just so funny to speak chinese with me...Until one day I am so desperate...PLS SPEAK CHINESE TO ME !!!!

haha...of coz, no one wanna speak chinese with me. Reason they give me is the same : It's so funny!!! WHY?????What so funny about my chinese? I am getting a bit irritated now!

I remember when I was young, when adult says I am Hakka, I would deny and said that I am "华语人”(hua yu ren). To me the logic is, when you speak hakka, that make u a hakka;so since I speak chinese(华语), I am a “华语人”! ha! Sensible I am since young :)

eXpErImEnTaL BlOgS...

This is just a experiment...trying to write blogs in chinese...haha! YES! U didnt hear me wrongly, IN CHINESE!!!!

心情有点兴奋，这两天忙着在网上找资料，因为月中会和妈妈、三姨和三才(我表弟的名字，奇怪吧？我觉得蛮有禅的味道)到台湾旅行。这是我工作以来，第一次带妈妈去旅行。看到妈妈像孩子般地兴奋，不停追问我们的旅行计划，心里感觉暖暖的。

刚从北京回来，天气很热。惨了！一想到台湾现在同样是夏天，我不禁为自己的失策感到愚蠢。虽然我自持有“晒不黑”的皮肤。但是。。。但是。。。不代表我的雀斑不会恶化！！！现在想取消当然来不及了。算了，反正台湾有很多好吃的，就当作是小小的代价好了！哈，贪吃鬼！

昨天到市区见永佳、安妮、茄梨(请恕我华语不到家，翻译能力有限！ 茄梨=cherrie也！) 永佳一见到我就大叫：“你为什么穿成这样？” 想想我昨天穿了什么？一条红色短裙，白色略露肩上衣，和粉色高跟鞋。哈哈，可能是平常就穿得非常随性，突然那么女人，她不习惯吧？能够带给别人眼前一亮的感觉，效果还蛮不错的！

It's Funny...The Heart...The Mind...

One should stay rational or be more sentimental while in love? Some says follow your heart;another says think with your brain! Well, it has no definate rule obviously. Sometimes it just happen even you are yet to find out what actually have happened.When love comes or when we think love has come, we live the moment that makes us do silly decision. If you are lucky, the decision might turn out to be the right one. Unfortunately, it can turn out to be a disaster for you and others.
So, what make us think we are in love? Is it the chemistry between man and woman? Or is it just a kinda feeling? Ha! How many of us can be certain of love? How many of us can say out loud that we are in love? Or is that a possibility that we wake up one day and suddenly this feeling of love just disappear?Well, well, well, till I am in love again, the question is yet to be answer...Cheers!