MeRRy X'mAs...

27th December 2005

It suppose to be a just a small matter,I wonder why it became such a big deal...

Christmas eve,Ping had to fly to Paris.It is our first christmas togather,but of coz,work is still the priority.At first I was thinking of going to the airport to give him a surprise.But then I accidentally fell asleep and not until he called me when he is about to enter the gate.Sigh...then again,my dear told me that he left something in my box...

So now...it's christmas eve, and my boy friend said he left something in my box.What will you think it is all about? A christmas present of coz!!! So the whole night I have waking up quite often,keep checking on the time and can't wait till the next morning to go to airport,just to see what had he drop into my box.

I am a bit guilty of not being there yesterday night to gave him his christmas present,of coz in the same time excited to see what's in my box.

Well,i guess things in life doesnt happen the way we want it to be. I spent at least 1/2 hour in front of my box trying to open my box. The lock that I just brought wonder why just doesnt seem to be able to open. While I was doing this, I wonder why no one from the security came over to check on this "suspicious" woman since there's a CCTV just pointing at me.

Finally I got so tired and angry, I just force open the lock.To my surprise, it works! If I have knew it earlier that strength works,I wouldn't have been so gentle to it...anyway...

I can't wait to see my "christmas present". haha...it this some kind of joke or what? Where on earth a boy friend whould give his girl friend the same thing he gave to his team girl as present? A heart shape candy box. It's exactly the same as Jess and the only different is, mine had an extra sentence in the greeting card! @$#%^%^&&*...

Adding to the worse,Jess commented that "seem like in Ping's heart,I have the same status as his girl friend". So, I jokingly put the slogan on my msn. Jess even message Ping asking: "Why did you do this to her?". Now,poor Ping he is really freaking out, cracking his head wonder what have he done.

Haha...Moral of the story is, be more sensitive towards your loved one's need and NEVER give the same present as you give to your normal female friend to your girlfriend.Even you did,DON'T let her find out.

THE END.

tHe ...

13th Dec 2005

So soon...now we have our "winter" version!!! Sometimes I wonder if we taken too many pictures.But I guess that one of the favourite past time of a couples. I can't wait to go back to S'pore. Just miss him dearly...

tHe ...

3rd Dec 2005

Creation of my dear...Personally I love the first two picture. I told Ping, now I know what's our expression when we are hugging each other.
Ping said this is out "autumn" version. There are more to come...

I aM iN Love....

二零零五年十二月十一日

日子过得越来越迷糊
沉醉在爱情的幸福里
感觉很。。。快乐
如果说没担心
那是骗人的
只是我连闪过这样的念头都那么短暂

从来不知道谈恋爱的自己可以这样
那么地安心
那么地踏实
我仿佛看见和你一起老去的模样

一如既往
人们问起为何是你
我无法具体地回答
可能是你老去的样子还不错吧
我是这么想的

至今还未说过“我爱你”
大概彼此都有共识
这句话背后的承重意义
仿佛轻易破碎
於是不想随便说说而已

大概潜意识里有种很灰的想法
一直害怕与人之间的亲密关系
比起亲密带来的欢欣
我更受不了一夕之间变成陌生人的冷淡
於是只是对人保持着距离感
但对你
我有了想不顾一切地念头

GiVe yOurSeLf A cHaNcE...

23rd September 2005

I've decided to go back KL on 24th.Reason?I guess I just wanna let myself into another possibility?Sort of giving me and him a chance...

Midnight,got his message.Some how it just feels good that someone is taking note of the time you are back.For 1st time,he ask me out.Just two of us...

Our first date,I am late because of my mani and pedicure appoitment. Felt so sorry to let him wait.But being very patient and understanding,he impress me with his gentle smile when I see him without any sense of irritation...PLUS POINT!!!

We had crepe at Raffles Place.During the dinner,we just keep talking...or rather I keep talking...hahaha...it's amazing coz usually I play the listener part.And what surprise me most is how comfortable I am with him,just two of us,that I told him all the unhappy things that happen ,totally unafraid of how he see me...

After dinner,we proceed to watch a movie.Because there's still some time before the show starts, we decided to take a walk at the fountain,watching the fountain performance.Somehow,he took out a camera.Why on earth he bring a camera along?Anyway, thanks to him,we had our first photo togather... Then he pass me something...my birthday present.Delighted,I can't wait to see what it is.

He gave me a disc...well...interesting...

After movie and sending me home.I just can't wait to see what inside the disc. To my surprise I hear David Tao's song and it's one of my favourite.And then,I see photo shots and captions about how he feel.God...I am flattered...The efforts that he put in and the troubles that he gone through to do all these..It's not simply just to woo a girl...He is serious.Dead serious.

That's why when he ask me to be his girl friend."Yes" is my answer...

I wOnDer WhY...

31st August 2005

I have been keep looking at my watch...taking note of time in S'pore.Reason?God knows...I think I do have some new thought over Ping...but what exactly it is...I don't know.

Well,that day when I came back from Narita,Jess pick me up from airport with a daisy...very much like what she would do...that crazy girl!I am happy,for once someone actually pick me up from airport.It felts good.Not that we are lesbian or what...it just felt good when you come back from work and somebody is waiting for you...

This isn't the end of the day.After returning home, Jess and I proceed to town to have our dinner.It's not a usual thing that we do after work.Most of the time I would just wanna stay at home,but today it's special.

Ping came and join us.Of course it's Jess who ask him to. This is my 2nd time seeing him.A guy with spec,white round collar-long sleeve top and jeans. The young outfit make him look like a big boy. Jess said this is the first time she saw him in white. I can't help but peep another few times...haha...Well,what to do? I like guy in white.

wHaT ArE yOu tHinKing...?

Was chatting over sms n msn with Jess, she is back in JB. Misses her accompany! So, what did we talks about?Hmm...then I shall start my story from Wednesday onward.
That day we met and have lunch togather, then with no intention to shops or walk ard, we decided to go to starbucks to jst sit down and crap! Nothing much that we say but most of it is bout relationship. (again...)
Jess is currently in the stage of...how should i put it? Well, what happen is she feel something for Mr.Do which she herself dont know why. She see nothing from him that qualified the ideal one she wanted. But now simply her heart wanted to be him so much. I cant answer her question as I m miserable myself. Now and then this guy keep popping on my mind. I wonder if I am feeling smthing for him, or simply curiosity? I dunno...The situation is kinda complicated(at least i feel so), as I felt I am just trying to know him better.I will long for his msg but he always take long time to reply. Well, if he feel something for u as well, i guess the immediate action he do, is to reply rite? Then again, he might just treat me like a sis...Now what? I am sister to everyone!!!haha...
Anyway, Jess and I came up with this idea that we must find a bf before our birthday. As my birthday come first, she actually said I have no much time left.Why? as if i am dying soon...#$^&%&^*&(
So, is crazy, but when you lost your mind, you will do silly things. So, I msg adam with this he later claim to be "provocative" msg:"are you available to be a part-time bf?" . Ya,is silly,is stupid,is simply idiotic,i know! Regret for sending (it's just so not me!) , and and no respone fr adam until the next day afternoon. Well, he said he was sick and this provocative msg doesnt help to cure his sickness at all...what an answer? Anyway, i told him to forget bout it, but deep inside me, i was like : "shit!!!!"
But hey, he did send me msg smthing like this before: (wait let me think, is quite some time bck) ...anyway, is sounded like : I am sitting alone in a empty bus, and as I look out the window, at an overcast sky, i keep thinking of u, and Icant help but wonder why..." this is not exactly what he wrote, it sounded better actually,forgive my poor short memory. But hey, when a guy msg u, of coz u will think..."god,what should I reply?" as I was still cracking my head to think of a way to reply. He sms me again aft a few minutes. "hey, do i have the cut to be a poet, i thought of this poem when i am in the bus." Now...this is irritating!!! He then msg another msg describing what he see outside the window.So, my turn...I replied: and what u can long more if there's a special one beside,sharing this amazing moment wf ya, how i wish it's me..."Immediately i sent another msg to clarify :" so,am i a poet or what?" haha...but he answer in a way that impressed me : Wow, our similarity...is kind of uncanny."
*speechless*
Whatever...U win lor!!!!

NoT FuLLy ShUttINg uP...

4th August 2005,10:30 p.m.

So, here i am creating a new blog. Well, I jst love to write. So cant help but keep on writting. But here, I let God do his part. If my "uncles n aunties" know me well enough that they knew I cant live without writing,they should be able to find this. haha...then again, I don't think they are that free or smart. Well...again, here goes my new blog, with some of my old blogs attached, I can again shout out loud. YEAH~~~

So, what about today? Me,Eeleen n Jess went to view a place in tampines. With various reasons, we plan to move out togather. For Jess, she is not really comfortable staying with her landlord n landlady. As for me, my landlady jst give birth of another baby, is getting packed at home. More over, her mother-in-law now stays wf us. Well, for Eeleen, nothing wrong with her current place, but staying with two "extra-ordinary "(in another word, 2 weirdo-es) girl friends must be super fun for her. Anyway, the place we view turn out not so ideal as one of the room is designated for kids. Too bad! Well, we have the time. So, no rush!

Attended the aikodo class after 3 weeks of lapses. Well, not that i m lazy but it's my roster always clashes with the classes. Should I start going for the public class? As my progress is so slow, I wonder if I am able to catch up. Then again, if anyone else can do it, why not me? Well, well, well, let me think bout it...

FaLLinG iN LoVe OnE mOrE tImE...

31st July 2005

Went to Cafe Cartel with Jess today...lazing around,taking our own sweet time to have our lunch...This is our favourite place to laze...not that the food is fantastic or what.Simply because here,we can sit as long as we want,take as much time as we want to have a meal and NO ONE will come and interupt!

Lately, has been the topic between me and Jess.My last relationship was almost 1 1/2 years ago. And it scares me...Not that I met a nasty guy and had a bad relationship. Is just that I know that relationship involve alot of commitment and most of all, you must be comfortable being with him.Most importantly,you need to see yourself growing old with him,and accept him totally. Same vs.

When Jess told me how her teamboy thinks about me and say "can try to know me better".Does this meant that he is interested on me? Or just simply being nice.Well, deep down inseide I hope to know him better,trying to open myself to the possibility to get into another relationship.Yet,the fear is there...I guess I just need a little more courage and being irrational a little to stuck my head into it.No...that's not what I want. Frankly,I think I am not an easy girl to please.

Blogs. Typhoon.

16th July 2005;3:52p.m.;S'pore Changi Airport

getting a lot of feed back regarding my blogs...start to get a little feary bout the power of blogs.Well, i m no author of a book or what.I don't wanna be responsible for what you feel or think after reading my blogs.Jess described my blog as "dramatic" where I just simply record what happen in my daily life that touches inner sentimental part of me.Should I be more careful of what I write or say?Then I will become what derrick described as hiding behind the wall...
Oh ya,what am I doing in the airport at such a time?well, am going to taipei for holidays with my mum,aunt and cousin as i mentioned ealier in my chinese blogs.(too bad for those who cant read chinese:P) Just as I was getting excited of my taipei trip, thanks to derrick, you stupid idiot,telling me bout the typhoon.Well, i know you must be thinking: "hey, i m not the one who caused the typhoon!!" i know...haha...

Anyway, am still on my way to taipei whether there are typhoon or not. Hopefully it's a small typhoon that chase away the humidity.I am always lucky,wonder if this time round is still the same.

P/S:till i come back fr taipei, ling er, i will personally write u a blogs, telling ppl what we did during our silly childhood.Btw,HE IS CUTE!!!!:P

TO ALICIA TAN HUEY CHAI...

This is suppose to be a individual msg to my "beloved" and to be "hated" cousin sister who stay far away from me right now...lucky you or I'll strangle you till death!!!Looking at the title(is in capital letter) and the words (is bloody red),can u imagine how deeply I "love" you,dear HUEY ER?

Just called home and realiase what you have done to me...OH MY GOD!!! How can you tell my mum I'm blogging?And what's more you show her my blogs? Isn't it suppose to be a common understanding that to not to tell to the "elders" about the blogs? Of coz as a blogger, I don't mind anyone reading my blogs or else why blogs?But then again...anyone doesn't include my MUM and AUNTIES and UNCLES...who else have you tell anyway? @%$%^%^&^&*

Well, thanks to you, I finally confirm something bout my mum. SHE IS STRANGE!!! Being a mother, she have always have funny and unusual logic about life. Of coz I m not gonna share this is here, as it's unsafe now! :P But anyone who wanna know about it, feel free to msg me.Ha! Well, just one thing I can tell you, after reading my blogs and stuff in friendster, her only comment is :"Why did you put me n your dad's photo on friendster, that one is ugly,we have other nicer one!!!!" MUM~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well,well...Ms. Alicia Tan Huey Chai, you won't get away from this for long. I will be bck during August! Let's meet up, catch up some old time...and u know...get things settled. Till then, I'll leave you in peace for now...

Correction: Is Alicia Tan Huey Tsair. My "sincere" appology to my pig head cousin!!!!

NaMes...

很喜欢帮别人翻译名字。当然我的华语还没好到能够翻译得很好。於是奇奇怪怪的名字就出现了。例如：JESSLYN-洁士琳，有点像清洁剂的牌子。每当我这样说时，她都会很生气。JENNIFER-洁妮花，很乡土可是很有亲切感。JORDAN-佐顿，还不赖吧？

或许有人会因为我胡乱帮他们译名而生气。然而我却觉得这有点好笑之余，也为彼此留下印象。大概是前男友留给我的习惯吧？他喜欢把COFFEE BEAN叫作咖啡豆。每当我经过“咖啡豆”时，我就会想起他。。。

P/S： DERRICK 刚刚看了我的BLOGS(就是上面这些他所谓的“CRAP”)，於是我好玩地帮他译名。结果，DERRICK-德力克。他说听起来像HORLLICK。

Oh, ChINeSe...dRiViNg mE nUtS!!!

Seem like my experimental blogs is a sucessful one(well at least i thought so...) haha...I should do it more often then. Is funny, I speak chinese at home since young and have always like chinese very much. But somehow or rather, I can express myself better in english...weird! Jess often told me that I speak chinese in a very funny accent. And Jennifer wouldnt speak chinese with me though she do that with Jess. She said it is just so funny to speak chinese with me...Until one day I am so desperate...PLS SPEAK CHINESE TO ME !!!!

haha...of coz, no one wanna speak chinese with me. Reason they give me is the same : It's so funny!!! WHY?????What so funny about my chinese? I am getting a bit irritated now!

I remember when I was young, when adult says I am Hakka, I would deny and said that I am "华语人”(hua yu ren). To me the logic is, when you speak hakka, that make u a hakka;so since I speak chinese(华语), I am a “华语人”! ha! Sensible I am since young :)

eXpErImEnTaL BlOgS...

This is just a experiment...trying to write blogs in chinese...haha! YES! U didnt hear me wrongly, IN CHINESE!!!!

心情有点兴奋，这两天忙着在网上找资料，因为月中会和妈妈、三姨和三才(我表弟的名字，奇怪吧？我觉得蛮有禅的味道)到台湾旅行。这是我工作以来，第一次带妈妈去旅行。看到妈妈像孩子般地兴奋，不停追问我们的旅行计划，心里感觉暖暖的。

刚从北京回来，天气很热。惨了！一想到台湾现在同样是夏天，我不禁为自己的失策感到愚蠢。虽然我自持有“晒不黑”的皮肤。但是。。。但是。。。不代表我的雀斑不会恶化！！！现在想取消当然来不及了。算了，反正台湾有很多好吃的，就当作是小小的代价好了！哈，贪吃鬼！

昨天到市区见永佳、安妮、茄梨(请恕我华语不到家，翻译能力有限！ 茄梨=cherrie也！) 永佳一见到我就大叫：“你为什么穿成这样？” 想想我昨天穿了什么？一条红色短裙，白色略露肩上衣，和粉色高跟鞋。哈哈，可能是平常就穿得非常随性，突然那么女人，她不习惯吧？能够带给别人眼前一亮的感觉，效果还蛮不错的！

It's Funny...The Heart...The Mind...

One should stay rational or be more sentimental while in love? Some says follow your heart;another says think with your brain! Well, it has no definate rule obviously. Sometimes it just happen even you are yet to find out what actually have happened.When love comes or when we think love has come, we live the moment that makes us do silly decision. If you are lucky, the decision might turn out to be the right one. Unfortunately, it can turn out to be a disaster for you and others.
So, what make us think we are in love? Is it the chemistry between man and woman? Or is it just a kinda feeling? Ha! How many of us can be certain of love? How many of us can say out loud that we are in love? Or is that a possibility that we wake up one day and suddenly this feeling of love just disappear?Well, well, well, till I am in love again, the question is yet to be answer...Cheers!

I mEaNt wHaT I wRoTe...

15th June 2005, 9:13a.m

Jess said writing blogs= writing diary. Is like exposing your life to the public.She gave an example of a woman posting the sex diary online, insightful! Well, I didn't argue with her. Coz I am a blogger myself. However, is not that I wanna expose my life to others, but it's more of expressing feeling..not to a particular person,not to gain attention, nor do I expect anyone to read it or respond to it. It simply a way I tidy up my mind where there so much emotions and thoughts flowing. I have always prefer writting than talking...Been writting diary since I was 10? Writting is less harmful and more rational....i think! ha! Anyway,every blogger has his/her own reason or purpose blogging...maybe she hope "the one" can read it? maybe he trying to reach out somewhere...maybe...maybe...

Ones can say things that they dun mean it, irresponsible,hurtful...i have done it many time myself. But writing, you just gotto be honest to yourself. Writing stays, it leave track, so whatever you wrote, you gotto mean it!

Jess told me Eeleen and Damon wrote smthing in their blogs that I should take a look. So,I did. Eeleen dear, you piggy is real cute. But hmm...does it look like...hmm...haha, I am not gonna say it! :P

And for Damon's blogs...trying to read btw the lines, but all I see is uncertainty...I wonder why. Jess ask me not to be prejustice, it gave me a little impact, coz prejustice is smthing I try not to be...never know I have been bahaving that way...She said Damon and I are similar ppl that I should try to know him better. Haha...if he and I is similar ppl, I guess I better don't get myself into trouble as I am an enough trouble for myself!

Curiosity? U bet...but not when I know it leads only to troubles. A smart choice,isn't it? *grin*

wOmAn,tHe MoSt DaNgErOuS SpIcIeS EvEr WaLkEd oN eArtH...

Suppose to be attending a react workshop,regarding some self defence skills. Then it turns out to be a forum titled "difference between man and woman" .Conclusion? Woman is the most dangerous species ever walk on earth according to my instructor who happen to be a guy.*grin*

He started up by saying:"I see no reason why u girls need to attend this class,coz when it comes to violent or dangerous, u gals are the most dangerous species ever walk on earth!" haha...

According to Aaron (my instructor's name), man has born with a disease that make them suffering for their entire life. Name of the disease...EGO. *Well,nonsence...some woman are quite egolistic as well.*Nope,not for woman.Woman might have this alike behavior called "pride" but never an "ego".Because of ones ego, man live hard to fulfilled social expectation. And ironically, social is make up of man.*yeah,blame woman,give birth of man".Preciselly, that's what make woman the most evil of all. *enough, totall nonsence!*

He then gave us example. Let said in a pub, two man happen to be good friends are fighting over a woman, the two man will shout and start hitting each other but after a while, they will hug at each other and cry: This is my pal, man! They will then go and have a drink,leaving the whole thing aside.What happen if two woman who are best friends fighting over a man? They will fight, curse and swear.End of the story? No...the hatred will lead on for generation. Haha...imagining two kids fighting and one of them shout: I am not gonna talk to you, my grandma says ur grandma is a sXXX!

Alright, I get it now. Woman is just simply more unwilling to forgive compare to man. So what? Interesting,but that doesn't make woman evil. It is individual character that caused what is happening. Isn't it? And what have man ego gotto do with this?Well, too much of phylosophy, let get on to the class.

In the end of the class, I start to understand what Aaron meant by "woman's evilness". I must admit, looking at some of them praticing the defencing skills, these woman are somehow a hidden tigress. Perhaps he is right, woman might be the most dangerous species ever walk on earth. Today, he might just have activated some of our hidden potential. I wonder is mine activated as well...hmm...we'll see!

*to be continued...*

cOz i CaRe...

I know I've been acted quite strangely. Is actually none of my business. Why should I be angry or what? I guess is simply I care...for that particular person. She is my first close friend since I came to S'pore. From the very beginning, we have very different personality and doesn't find any common interest in each other.Then, as time goes by, fate have make us closer.And despite all the differences,we have develop an understanding to each other. Is weird isn't it?

I treasured the friendship very much and just don't want it being affected by something which have nothing to do with me actually. Trying to tell myself to stay away, but can't help simply becoz i care...

I care if she ever be happy...i care if she will ever get hurt...i care if she met the right one...i care everything about her...

Total Disaster...

08th June 2005, 8:59a.m.

How a good day turn out to be total disaster,I wonder...

It's suppose to be a unusual good day to me, as I am feeling really in my tip-top mood.Then, in the end of the day, it's disaster!

Yes, I went for the Aikido class, and thing is stil going alright. I have fun in the class, and really enjoy myself sweating like a cow, it has been long long time...Then after the class, I went to town to join Jesslyn for dinner.Before that, I went to kinokuniya to take a look, and got myself a few books...GREAT!!!

Dinner time,after taken 20 minutes to decide where we wanna eat, we have decided to have our dinner and coffee club.Jess's two friends,Damon and Niel came over to join us. Suppose to meet up at 8p.m. but they are late,and when they are here, we have half way almost finishing our meal. Well, Damon gave us an excuse saying this is the "singaporean style"...total bullshit!

Craping and having a terrible meal, I start to think that it is a better idea to head home after this. Then Annie called asking us to join her at Balacava. Well, she's the birthday girl, what to do?

At Balacava, crowded as usual. I just can't find myself focusing. I know this sound like a kid, but is really my sleeping time.Plus I have the whole day working out,it's really make me getting tired now. We went inside instead of staying outside where Annie and her friends seated becoz it's real humid outside. Damon claimed that his friends have seats inside,so we went in to join them. After being introduce to his friends...i dunno how many, and couldnt remember any of their name. Damon got me and jess a drink. At first I told him we wanted fruit punch, and he gave us this look :"what? u come to balacava for a fruit punch?" Telling him Jess couldnt drink becoz of her skin and me don't feel like drinking certainly doesnt satisfied him. Alright then, Jess decided on her favourite drink, lychee martini,and I...a beer! *sign*

So, now we have drink and seem like inside there isn't any seat as well, we decided to head back to Annie's table. So, outside we crap again. Can't really recall what we really talk about, must full of crap then. The atmosphere get a little tensed up. During that, Damon and Neil keep teasing on me taking ages to finish the beer.Told you I dun wanna drink. Anyway, they drank alot, not that the drink is tasty, I wonder why they do that.They are having "fun" i guess...

Eeleen being just touched down from Sydney came over to join us. Ofcoz her intention is not me or jess...haha...She is extreamly gorgeous tonight. But girl, you are drinking too fast. Fear that she will get drunk, we slow her down and she keep assuring us that she won't easily get drunk...ya right girl! Not with your empty stomach!

So, our conversation lead to noway, and things getting worse. First, I accidentally spill jess fruit punch on damon. Lucky he is not angry by then.Or...is he angry? I dunno! Can't really tell from surface. He always had this deep thought look although he can be smiling but he jst seem so bothered all the time. Then, we start talking bout nonsense and drag on till 1a.m.
Damon and Neil wanted to go Devil's Bar and keep pursuing us to go with them. But none of seem to be interested. Jess got a little pissed of with Damon of the way he drink.

Atmosphere real tensed. At last, we went for supper instead. So, at supper place (simpang bedok).Knowing that jess is not feeling happy, Damon jst keep smiling. Me being between them feeling extremely uncomfortable. Trying to makes things right, but I seem to lost my temper as well in the end. Reason? I dun know why...

So, after the supper, we all head home. And I feeling miserably depressed...

A good day ended with disaster.

hAppY dAy!!!

07th June 2005,9:50a.m.

A happy morning seems like it. Have a good night sleep is the right kick to start a day...what's more is a delicious and nutritious breakfast? Well,except for the caffeine *grin*

Why am I so happy today? Even through the phone,my mother can sense that I am in a extraordinary good mood. Strange? Can it be the caffeine dose? But I thought i have already been immune of it since I was three? How bout the sms I got from my dear girl? Well,Jess always sms me when she came back.Or, I am excited of the Aikido class that I am gonna attend this afternoon? Ha!Maybe...

Whatever it is,is great to feel that you are expecting something. For example,coming back from a long flight,expecting your loved one to wait for you at the airport? Or, you just got a date from the person you wish very much to meet,expecting to meet her/him for a movie. Maybe you have been craving for chili crab the whole week and you've finally got a "kaki" to eat with,let say tonight??? Uncle Roy,are you reading this??

Priority In Life...

21st May 2005, 9:54a.m.

Wonder what happen to me, have not sleeping well since...I went back to M'sia. Even though I slept as late as 2 a.m. this morning, I still wake up at 6:30 a.m. *haiz*

Anyway, when u can't go back to sleep, is no point pushing urself too much. What I normally do is I 'll jst get out fr the bed, go have a nice cup of coffee(caffeine addicted...not good!),read books or go online. So I went online and read this interesting article about a psychology test.

There r five animals here: tiger, monkey, peacock, elephant and dog.
Imagine yourself going into a strange jungle togather with this animals. Becoz of some reason, u have to give them up one by one.

STOP!!!! Before u read further, ask urself:Which one will u give up first? Arrange by sequence.

I did the test myself,and my answer is peacock, monkey, tiger,elephant and dog.
I guess out of 10 people, most of them will give up peacock first. Reason? As simple as peacock is a beautiful animal but doesnt help you much when it comes to surviving matter.

Okay, what does all these animals actually represent?

Peacock- ur companion/lover
Tiger- ur desire towards money and rights
Elephant- ur parents
dog- ur friends
monkey-ur children

As for me, I don't think I am that kind of person who will give up on my close one during the most difficult situation. So, I thought this test is nothing but a total crap.So, I asked my friends the same question and he gave me a different answer,which is he'll give up tiger first, follow by monkey,elephant, peacock, dog.Reason for him is tiger means pride n strength to him, which he don't need that. Monkey is mischievous, elephant the 3rd coz he still need it at first, dog the last coz it mean loyalty to him. But one thing he couldn't figure out himself is why he didn't give up peacock first. He said peacock is something beautiful and with not much use.Y not give up ...he wonder.

Isn't it just like in a relationship. You know it's beautiful but sometimes you drop into this misery that it brings no good to u...y r u still so into it, and can't seem to give up...haha...
Another person gave me this answer: peacock is so beautiful yet it has no strength to protect itself, so of coz u can't give it up first. Then, i realize something...most of us love ourself more than anything else. In the process of making decision, we often make the decision that considering what can other gave in. Why not the other way round? What can we give...????

ThIs IsN't mE...

07th May,2005. 5:04p.m.

Often the time, hearing ppl comment on me. Good words...bad comments...but it's jst not really me. At least this is not who I think I am. Then I start wondering, maybe they jst being nice (to say all the good things)...maybe they r jst jeolous(tat's y they make such crictics)...maybe they jst dun see who u really r...maybe...maybe...

Then again, do I really know myself well? Or I am jst being dissapointed that I din hear them saying the qualities I hope to see in myself? And what if they really do say it? I am still who I am...

When new friends ask me to describe myself, i often fall into the miserable feeling.Who am I? That's a question that I guess it takes the rest of my life to answer...

Who am I? I am jst not who I am yesterday! Does that answer your question?

This is the first time I cook noodles...as in not the instant type! It's real noodle soup. Though it looks not that tasty,but I think I make quite a good chef!
My first Chinese New Year Eve that I didn't spend with my family, instead I had Beijing Hot Pot with my friends in china town, Melbourne.*SOB SOB*
What is more sastifying than a big, juicy, yummy pork rib? *yum yum*
Cheese Cake...My favourite! This is a lighter version of cheese cake, taste equally delicious...More over, HOME MADE!!!WOnderful!
What do I eat if I am alone in the hotel? Well...I know it's not very healthy but hey...at least I had fruits!:P

Loneliness...maybe not!

1st May,2005. 5:58p.m.

As I was taking a bus back to my place, I was thinking about the blogs that I've wrote today! How stupid! Obviously, loneliness is not caused by "auntie visit" such a lame excuse coz u can't have auntie visit for the total whole month!!!!...and perhaps you can't find a reason to explain why people are feeling lonely. Well...well...well...maybe I shouldn't crack my head with such heavy topic! Poor Alice...!So, I decided to delete the blogs as I find it's does no good for anyone to read it. Perhaps, not many have seen it! Well, jst in case...

Today is PH. Everywhere is crowded with people. And I had a bad lunch. Have not been eating well.It makes me reminds of how well my mum can cook and how I used to complain that she is cooking the same thing again and again. Well,that's human being.We don't seem to appreciate things when we have them. It always become more precious when we lost them.MAybe it's the memories that make it so beautiful...

Talking about my mum...mother's day is jst ard the corner. Do anyone believe that I hav nvr celebrate mother's day with my mum? In fact, my family seem to be the weird ones who doesn't celebrate any special days except chinese new year and mid-autum festival. We don't even celebrate birthday. Don't mistaken us as a falling apart-broken family. In fact, we are so close that, none of these days seem to make sense to us. Why do u hav to wait til mother's day to tell ur mum how much you love her? Why do we hav to give each other present and treat each other a good meal only during the "special days"? So, start telling ur mum, u love her ( tell ur dad too, jst in case he got jeolous...haha),treat ur family members a good meal...if they ask why,simply tell them : becoz we r family! Ha...touching right? not trying to make u tear or cry...jst think tat we should be more expressive when it comes to telling ur loves one how much you love them...before it's to late !*sob sob*

OnE FiNe DaY...

30th of April,2005. 9:31a.m.

Slept too early ystd(ard 8 smthing,i guess!). As a result, woke up as early as 5:15a.m. today. Go online, surprisingly, found people that wake up as early as i do,haha! This is a fine day! How often we get to wish people good morning? I did it today!Twice!

Has been staying in for nearly 24 hours. Figure that I have been spending most of my free time outside, chilling out with friends, jst need to have some space of my own. So, I stay at home ystd, eating nothing but a piece of cake, a packet of crackers, two cups of 3-in-1 Nescafe coffee and one can of apple juice with aloe vera bits. Pathetic!But it was good, as I finally have time for myself, finish all the item on my long listed To-Do-List. Big archievement!

Okay, what else have i done in the early morning? I have my breakfast, quite healthy...one pieces of toast bread with a cup of coffee...emm...alrite,except for the caffeine which is not tat good. Then I went to wet market, send my soft toys for dry cleaning(they look like they jst came bck fr a mud war...haha...maybe slightly better than tat!), bought some vege-tomatoes, cucumber, sweet corn...hmm...pretty healthy huh...but it for my g.pig at home! Perhaps I should start feeding him/her ( I nvr find out its sex) my 3-in-1 Nescafe coffee...evil!

So, now here I am,back from the market, and it's only 9:49a.m. Starting my blogs,writting nonsense!God! maybe I should jst go back to sleep...