15th Dec 2006
One ought not to force herself when she is too tired...
A lesson learned yesterday. As I came back from work and was tired as I woke up as early as 4.30am ,and have slept for only 5 hours. It's tiring. Moreover, it's a busy day at work and I didn't even have time to have my lunch.
So, by the time I am back home. I am run out of energy. Yet, the fact that I wanted to spend more time with Ping, I force myself to showered, changed and ready to go. But I received a message from Ping that he is bringing her mum to hospital as one of her eye happen to be appearing red. So, the dinner was delayed. It was like 5.20pm at that time. So, I decided to take my time to S'pore Indoor Stadium--taking a bus.
However when I arrived at Bedok Bus Interchange. I realiased that the bus I suppose to take doesn't go to Stadium Cres. Maybe I make a mistake or the route of the bus had change. Well, it's 6.15pm. Fearing that I will be late. I took a cab instead. Just as I got onto the cab, told the taxi driver where I wanna go, Ping called. He said the doctor is not there and they have to wait another 30 minutes. He ask me to go slowly....with my last sense of humour, I thought: Should I walk there then? Anyway, I decided to just take a cab. I shall be there in half and hour and probably by then they are done. As I arrived 6.45pm ( The inniatial plan is to meet at 6pm), it was just after a rain and the air is cold. So I just stand there and wait. I messaged Ping that I've already arrived and ask him to message me when they are here. In the end, I waited 1 hour plus, counting no. of busses and taxi that have pass by. I lost count after the 8th bus and the 6th taxi passed.
It's cold out here, and I am feeling chilling and tired. Ping asked me to go into the restaurant and wait, but I refused. But don't bother to explain it's because it's already cold out here, what's more if it's inside the air-conditioned restaurant? Well, so I wait and wait and wait...
Time seem to pass slow and I have an urge to go home. Just give an excuse like : My brother forgot to bring his key, need to go back now...etc. But....well, I am so angry of myself. Why make myself standing alone outside like a pity homeless soul? Especially when one group of people passed by me, before and after their dinner, they gave me this look that make me feel like hiding somewhere until Ping's here. Say...the toilet?
I am hungry, tired and cold. Emotionally I am so weak that I can feel that I would cry anytime. I try hard not to do that, as I never like crying in the public. Finally he's here. I am actually not angry at him, but I wasn't in my mood to give him a smiley face or what. I tried not to show his mother and guests my real feeling. Wouldn't want to spoilt their night.
But I guess he can sense it. He tried to grab my hand but I hide it under my tighs claiming that I am cold. When we were walking along the bridge after dinner, I still don't want to hold his hand. It's a reaction of rejecting any body contact with him. I knew that's my weakness when I am upset or tired. I didn't want to tell him how badly I hurt myself today when I was working. How I volunteered to a position that no one would take. How my supervisor turn out to be a inappreciative cold blood animal.
Well, I guess it's just not my day. And I've learned: Never push yourself too hard, even when your desire is stronger than your mind. Most of the time, mind speaks the truth.
