29th June 2006
Just a few hour after blogging my 1st blog of the day. I felt better. Ha! Women! Anyway, perhaps is the cold shower that helps. Or maybe my problem is that no one could share with me. After talking to my mum, I instantly felt better. Well...though my mum could only understand 30% of how I felt.Anyway,it's good!
So I am back to 70% of the cheerful self. Another 30%,perhaps after eating my mum's dumpling:) Well, maybe this is one good point of me. I could recover from the upset emotion quite fast.
After crapping so much, I havent touch on what I wanted to say actually. Well, is some funny idea tha occur to me that day after hearing someone's conversation. Ok...is "over-heard somebody's conversation".
What happen is that I was in the Q of the fruit stall in the canteen when this girl in front of me share her idea of saving with her friend. She said she never use her SGD 2 note and will always keep it when she have. So, unconciously she have save up till SGD 15,000 now. Of course the time frame is something to be concern here. If she use 10 years to do so, it's not really something to be surprise of. So, i decided to do a experiment myself. See how long it takes me to save that SGD 15,000 effortlessly. Keyword here is "effortlessly". This is because I always felt if could have a habit of saving money, that doesn't make you felt it's a chore of something, the money won't hurt you a bit. But if you force yourself to save when you already have so many commitment, it's gonna be very difficult. So, I start to keep my SGD 2 note now,and we shall see...
Thursday, June 29, 2006
HoMe SwEEt HoMe...
29th June 2006
Back in KL. Is good to see my family after so long.On my way home, I was still puzzled by my own emotion and feelings. What exactly that I am not happy about? It all started since Monday.
After class, I went to meet Ping in town. Perhaps both of us are tired, and shouldn't have come out. So, it wasn't really a good hang out time. Reason that we wanted to meet up is because we won't be seeing each other for the next 7 days.
Then Tuesday, during lunch break, I called Ping and he was on his way to work. I could felt he wasnt in the mood of talking partly because he is in a bus with faulty air-con...Well, so we hang up quickly. That day after class, I suppose to go for my facial appointment. I went and because I wasnt feeling very happy, I went to Kinokuniya and got a few books for myself. Hopefuly it would cheer me up. I also called Sherly out as I don't feel like going home though I am actually quite tired.
So, I have dinner with Sherly and after which I join she and her friend in pub near city hall called "waiting bar". We were there till midnight, nothing much, chit-chat,catching up with the lost time. Then I felt better...or I think I felt better...Sherly share with me about her r/s and I knew I couldn't be worse. Yet it's not to be compare, after all we are dating different guys and we have different needs.
I got message from Derrick, happily telling me he won't be away. He've decided to find a job in S'pore. So, he could celebrate my birthday with me. Then it occur to me that Ping won't be around for my birthday. It's not really a big day for me as I never celebrated birthday. But today, I wish the one who say that to me is Ping...I knew Derrick have something for me, though many time I told him I can't return his kindness. But he just don't care. And he just beg me to allow him to treat me nicely. I can't say I am not touched by these...After all, I am thankful that I met these nice people...Just that there's nothing much I could do. I told myself, if this guy is so kind to you, be kind to him too.
Anyway, by the time I am home, it's almost 2am. I showered and packed coz I am going home the next day morning.And to my surprise, Ping message me. I could have call him but I didn't instead I told him that I am going to sleep. The truth is I never sleep till around 4am. Maybe I just don't feel like talking right now. Jess ask if I decided to cof. But I told her, I need to consider. Maybe it's not a good idea of spending too much time togather. Maybe is time to let each other have a breathing space...
Back in KL. Is good to see my family after so long.On my way home, I was still puzzled by my own emotion and feelings. What exactly that I am not happy about? It all started since Monday.
After class, I went to meet Ping in town. Perhaps both of us are tired, and shouldn't have come out. So, it wasn't really a good hang out time. Reason that we wanted to meet up is because we won't be seeing each other for the next 7 days.
Then Tuesday, during lunch break, I called Ping and he was on his way to work. I could felt he wasnt in the mood of talking partly because he is in a bus with faulty air-con...Well, so we hang up quickly. That day after class, I suppose to go for my facial appointment. I went and because I wasnt feeling very happy, I went to Kinokuniya and got a few books for myself. Hopefuly it would cheer me up. I also called Sherly out as I don't feel like going home though I am actually quite tired.
So, I have dinner with Sherly and after which I join she and her friend in pub near city hall called "waiting bar". We were there till midnight, nothing much, chit-chat,catching up with the lost time. Then I felt better...or I think I felt better...Sherly share with me about her r/s and I knew I couldn't be worse. Yet it's not to be compare, after all we are dating different guys and we have different needs.
I got message from Derrick, happily telling me he won't be away. He've decided to find a job in S'pore. So, he could celebrate my birthday with me. Then it occur to me that Ping won't be around for my birthday. It's not really a big day for me as I never celebrated birthday. But today, I wish the one who say that to me is Ping...I knew Derrick have something for me, though many time I told him I can't return his kindness. But he just don't care. And he just beg me to allow him to treat me nicely. I can't say I am not touched by these...After all, I am thankful that I met these nice people...Just that there's nothing much I could do. I told myself, if this guy is so kind to you, be kind to him too.
Anyway, by the time I am home, it's almost 2am. I showered and packed coz I am going home the next day morning.And to my surprise, Ping message me. I could have call him but I didn't instead I told him that I am going to sleep. The truth is I never sleep till around 4am. Maybe I just don't feel like talking right now. Jess ask if I decided to cof. But I told her, I need to consider. Maybe it's not a good idea of spending too much time togather. Maybe is time to let each other have a breathing space...
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
aWakE....
28th June 2006
It's 2.11am now and I am still up packing my things. Going back to KL tomorrow...Can't wait...
It's 2.11am now and I am still up packing my things. Going back to KL tomorrow...Can't wait...
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
tWo YeArS aNNiVerSaRy!
19th June 2006
It's girl's nightout! After don't know how long, 8 of us finally came out all togather! We meet up at hard rock for dinner. Somehow we attract alot of attention from the others. Of course, how often you get 8 pretty girls hanging out togather? haha...So when the waitress out of curiosity came and ask if this is a special night for us, we told them it's somebody's birthday, and 3 of us(Annie, Jennifer and Michiko) got set up to be the birthday girls.hahaha....Great! So in the end of the dinner, the VJ was announcing it through the PA while everyone is watching football... Luckily we didn't get scolded by others yet we enjoyed a "high + out of pitch" birthday song from everyone. Of course not to forget the 3 free ice cream sundae we got!!!YUMMY!!!
After the dinner is not the end yet. We went on for 2nd round and have a drink at the loof. It's a cozy hangout place on the roof top of a building opposite the chimes. Not noisy and with the breeze of the night, it's a nice place to talk...The night goes on till past mid-night and for the first time, Annie is the one who claimed that she is tired. (it's normally me!!!haha!!!)
Great night! Cheers for our two years anniversary!!!
LeT mE cRy!!!
13th-15th June 2006
Spending total 8 days with my dear is a total bonus for me. We are consider as long distance relationship in a way...haha...Both of us are always apart yet felt so near. Time for us has a total different defination. For us, months passes like weeks, days is just hours...That's why although it has been almost 9 months now,I still feel very much like yesterday. I wish, our honeymoon period is forever.
Something happen in this trip. I was angry with Ping. Real angry,that I couldn't talk to him. He hurt himself, and despite worrying bout him, I still can't lay my sight on him. I am really angry. People around us was concern of his injury...and I just stand a side, pull my ear to listen, but wouldn't talk to him. I am worry, but in the same time I am angry. Or perhaps, I am sad. Not so much of anger? I thought: Why do you have to shout at me? Why can't you just say instead of shouting? Ping knew that I am angry,obviously...He tried to get responses from me. I refused to share a room with him but he insist. How could I stay in a room with you when I am so angry? Then when we were in the room, seeing how much pain he suffer of his injury, my heart soften. Silly Ping, clumsy Ping and my heart hurts.
Ping went out with me despite haven't been sleeping for the past 24 hours. I am tired too. But I think staying in the room doesnt serve us good. I need a breath. We hold hands and went out like nothing happen. Got our tax refund and dinner back. Then, after meal I went to sleep...I didn't knocked out. In fact I know Ping didn't stay awake for long unlike what he always do after a flight.
In the middle of the night, I woke up and couldn't put myself into sleep. Tired but I am still...feeling uneasy inside. I try to make myself occupied while Ping is sleeping. First time we slept seperately in the same room. Then when Ping finally woke up.He came over my bed, wanted to hug me. And I just couldn't hold my tear no more and started crying. I rarely cry infront of people. As I always try not to worry others, I don't easily cry in front of people. Only my 2nd brother knew that despite my cheerful and easy going attitude, I am actually a big crying baby. So tonight, I have a good cry... And I knew after this cry, I shall be alright. So, dear, let me cry...
Ping totally freak out. He don't know what to say but just hug me tight. And that's exactly what I need.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
wHy?
9th June 2006
Finally got it done. After all the things I been through,at last... I think I shall not try this anymore...it will really drive me crazy if all these were to happen again. Imagine I could lose 2kg in 2 days. How stress out I am? Well, perhaps it's a good way to put off a few pound....
Today, I received messages from him. I never thought that he would message me again...After he told me not to message him that day assuming I am busy. I thought we can't even be friends. But I never know things had been happening lately...Why can't I sense that it is not him at all to be so "cold" to me.
He told me that the medicine he was taking previously doesn't work on him anymore. That he had to start dialysis now. In another word, his kidney failed. Life hasn't been easy for him as he gotto go for dialysis every alternate day and yet he have to go to school. And he is going for a transplant soon. Although it's consider as a good news, but knowing that there's a 40% of failure risks and his body had very high tendency to reject the transplanted kidney, I can't help but felt so heavy.
I can't stop myself from crying for him.Even Ping is in front of me. But I just can't help. Although we are no more in a relationship but we have never mistreat each other. Broke up is purely because of muture understanding that we can't go on. That's why deep in side my heart, he is still someone special. Someone who see me as who I am from the day he know me. The most ironic part is he is having his operation on 18th June,his birthday.Why is all these happening to him?
Then when Me and Ping went to his juniors graduation exhibition. We met his professor who reminds me very much about Fwuji... All the memories between me and him just keep flashing in my head. I just wish his operation will be successful.
Finally got it done. After all the things I been through,at last... I think I shall not try this anymore...it will really drive me crazy if all these were to happen again. Imagine I could lose 2kg in 2 days. How stress out I am? Well, perhaps it's a good way to put off a few pound....
Today, I received messages from him. I never thought that he would message me again...After he told me not to message him that day assuming I am busy. I thought we can't even be friends. But I never know things had been happening lately...Why can't I sense that it is not him at all to be so "cold" to me.
He told me that the medicine he was taking previously doesn't work on him anymore. That he had to start dialysis now. In another word, his kidney failed. Life hasn't been easy for him as he gotto go for dialysis every alternate day and yet he have to go to school. And he is going for a transplant soon. Although it's consider as a good news, but knowing that there's a 40% of failure risks and his body had very high tendency to reject the transplanted kidney, I can't help but felt so heavy.
I can't stop myself from crying for him.Even Ping is in front of me. But I just can't help. Although we are no more in a relationship but we have never mistreat each other. Broke up is purely because of muture understanding that we can't go on. That's why deep in side my heart, he is still someone special. Someone who see me as who I am from the day he know me. The most ironic part is he is having his operation on 18th June,his birthday.Why is all these happening to him?
Then when Me and Ping went to his juniors graduation exhibition. We met his professor who reminds me very much about Fwuji... All the memories between me and him just keep flashing in my head. I just wish his operation will be successful.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
From a different angles, is a whole new world
08th June 2005
Let's forget about the unhappy things,shall show off the things that my dear gave it to me. It's definately some sort of surprise.
First of all, I never expect he will do this to me. Maybe in my mind he have form the image of buying food and drystore for me oversea.HAHA...
So when he said he got something to gave me. It never occur to me that it's all these.
So, here I have a very nice diamond neclace and a very stylish ipod nano plus a cute tiny travelling speaker which I now bring to most of my flights. Perhaps could bring it to seoul frisco too...Well, life wouldn't be bad if you look things in different angles.At least I can go sight seeing in seoul, and also meeting my dear aft my flight. Not so bad!!!
Learn to let go...
08th June 2006
I have long learned that life is not going to smooth all the way. But I am always gladful that things that had happen to me,being bad or good, it makes me grow. Just like these two days, I have been so desperate nearly go crazy.
Faith said: in the end of the day you gotto ask yourself, is it worth it? And I think...despite being angry with his "bo-chap" attitude, I am actually quite willingly to do this. Worth it? I don't know. But if there's a choice when I can do it again, I will still go through all these troubles. He never will know how much I wanna spend time with him...I guess is time to readjust myself...some things have to be left behind...some things isn't as important as you think it is...
But I am gladful, that I have Jess with me. Someone that I could count on. Never will I feel weak in front of her, coz there's always some kind of moral support in between us.
I felt I am feeling of something...This always happen to me. I always feel something but can't really put in down to word. Is interesting as I see myself reacting towards things that happen to us. I am just afraid that history would repeat just like my previous relationship. But whatever it is, I am gladful right now...
I have long learned that life is not going to smooth all the way. But I am always gladful that things that had happen to me,being bad or good, it makes me grow. Just like these two days, I have been so desperate nearly go crazy.
Faith said: in the end of the day you gotto ask yourself, is it worth it? And I think...despite being angry with his "bo-chap" attitude, I am actually quite willingly to do this. Worth it? I don't know. But if there's a choice when I can do it again, I will still go through all these troubles. He never will know how much I wanna spend time with him...I guess is time to readjust myself...some things have to be left behind...some things isn't as important as you think it is...
But I am gladful, that I have Jess with me. Someone that I could count on. Never will I feel weak in front of her, coz there's always some kind of moral support in between us.
I felt I am feeling of something...This always happen to me. I always feel something but can't really put in down to word. Is interesting as I see myself reacting towards things that happen to us. I am just afraid that history would repeat just like my previous relationship. But whatever it is, I am gladful right now...
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