LoNely WeDDinG...

Waiting lonely under the tree...

smiling widely with the bright...am I?

the four gorgeous...hah!

07th Jan 2006

What a day...?It's Shidah's wedding and before attending the wedding,I did a Jakarta turn. I am suppose to be tired and skip the wedding.And yes I am tired but not till the stage where I can make it an excuse to skip my team girl's biggest day in her life.
This is my first time attending my friends/peers's wedding. Not knowing how's the custom goes,I was quite "on-time". Never knew there's a hidden rule for people to be late.There I am sitting alone there for nearly 45 minutes.How stupid...
I did ask Ping to come though not directly,but I did...that blockhead said that he needs to unpack his bag as he just came back. Great! As I quietly ang up the phone,speechless is the word, yet he never realiase it at all.

Anyway,he just came back.So I didn't force him to come either.He must be tired. After the wedding, I called Ping and told him that I am done. Instead of saying anything else,he said: "so?".For a second,I was stunned and later feel angry and speechless. Maybe is his tone of voice , choice of word maybe...Whatever it is,I am hurt.

世上最可怜的女人是等待的女人；

最可笑的是独自等待婚礼入席的女人；

最可悲的是婚礼外等待男友的女人；

今晚我作了那可怜、可笑又可悲的女人。

I actually suggested to wait for him at the mrt station near by simply because I don't feel like waiting alone outside a wedding avenue. But that blockhead said is more convinient that I wait over there.What can be more convinient when you actually driving? That stupid blockhead!!! So I waited,patiently yet feeling a little bit of sadness in me...

When Ping came,I didn't even realiase coz I am so down. I thought it was just another passing by me. Then he wave to be and I get into the car. I guess immediately he felt something is not quite right coz I wasnt the usual me. He tried to find out but I just don't feel like talking...So,throughout the journey back to my place,I remain silent.It was a kind of tense in the air. Somehow I manage to convince myself to forgive him. After all,he didnt do any of these intentionally.And plus we really rarely get to meet each other,so why waste time getting angry?

It took me a while to get rid of the anger in me. But then I forgive him,simply with a kiss,the anger is gone. haha...Woman...

wHaT mAttEr tHe mOsT...

2th Jan 2006

It's a brand new day--2nd day of 2006.Yet I still feel very much like yesterday...shitty.

Before Jess left,we had breakfast at the kopitiam near by our place. While eating,we sort of talk about Ping. And she make a comment saying that I should fly with her team so that I can see more and perhaps understand Ping better.

I can sense there is something Jess trying to tell me. So I asked. And Jess was hinting me that Ping is very close with Ashleey,one of their team girl.But before further explain,she pull away from the topic and say something else.Now what?

Somehow,she gave in an example of a guy (without mentioning who) helping a girl carrying her "mama-san" bag with nothing inside except her wallet. I know immediately she is talking about Ping and Ashleey.True enough,she is telling what she saw in their previous Amsterdam flight. Jess said she just find it weird that a guy is carrying a girl "almost empty bag" when they are not a couple.

I am not not sure if there is any intention of Jess telling me these. But from what I know about Jess, she only say it when she felt it that way.A simply blunt person she is. Sp I am pretty sure at taht point of time,she does feel it's something uncommon between Ping and Ashleey. Well, having confidence in Ping,of coz I trustefd him. Yet, Jess emphasizing how attractive Ashleey is,I must admit it has bother me a little. But if there are really something between two of them, why didnt anything happen before Ping meet me? Jess said it might be becoz Ashleey is still attached ( though not really) to her boyfriend that holding Ping back...

Later that day, I went to work. And to my surprise,I found a MMC card in my box with 20 pre-recorded songs...

If there's anything that matter,it's how he treated me. Knowing him as an extra caring person, I know I gotto deal with him treating others as good as me or even better than me. But what matter the most is the position of me in his heart.